


Study in Purple

by Nocturnal



Category: Gundam 00
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-17 18:03:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3538934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocturnal/pseuds/Nocturnal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tieria/Regene, Lockon/Tieria in the past. Regene struggles to get Tieria to overcome his grief over Neil's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_I_

“This is Regene Regetta. My-”

_My what, ‘lover’? ‘Clone’? ‘Brother’? All of the above?_

Tieria hesitated and contemplated Celestial Being’s crew now assembled before him. It had been Regene’s idea to have a formal introduction and Tieria had been highly reluctant for all sorts of reasons. There were far too many complications in a relationship shaded in perfect symbioses mingled with utter antithesis- from the way their bodies would perfectly blend together to the sharp resistance and clash of ideas- so much so that Tieria himself was not precisely sure of how he stood with relation with Regene. So that introducing Regene to his team mates was highly problematic. 

“-friend. I am Tieria’s friend, it’s a pleasure to meet you all.” 

Tieria turned to Regene in relief. ‘Friend’ was such a neutral term, it could be applied to most situations as a broad category that nullified the confusing borders of his interaction with Regene. It said nothing of how starlight glittered over naked white skin and omitted the feeling of completion of merely being together. In its broadness ‘friend’ was perfect. A slight liberty with the truth, perhaps, but Lockon- Neil, that is, would probably approve- Tieria winced inwardly and abandoned this line of thought. There were wounds lurking just underneath the present, deeply undermining him with tantalizing possibilities and ‘what ifs’ and he tried to mimic Regene’s smile even as he avoided eye contact with Lyle, the echo of a memory briefly stinging him with sorrow. 

“Twins?”

Sumeragi sounded confused. Tieria did not blame her. He still remembered all too well how shocked he had been at seeing Regene for the first time. It had been like facing the other side of the mirror and later as Tieria ran his processing skills to their breaking point in an attempt to understand and eventually gave up in conflicted defeat he came to realize that he had been searching for someone- something- that would justify the hollowness inside. 

“Not quite. Tieria and I were designed artificially and we share the same DNA structure. But more important than that, we are friends.” 

Tieria wondered what they, humans that was, would feel if they knew how thoughts were naturally transmitted between himself and Regene, how information traveled from one mind to the other across the distance of so many miles and with no words spoken aloud but immediately transferred across a network that spanned the width of space even as it remained inscribed in the fabric of their hearts. 

“Welcome aboard the Ptolomeios, Regene. You’re welcome here.”  
Tieria thanked Sumeragi for acting as the captain and easing the silent awkwardness that he felt weighting on him. 

“You’ve got a twin? Well I’ll be damned!” 

Tieria knew that it was just an expression but he did wish that Lyle would damn himself and stop reminding him of everything that Neil meant to him, now tinged with the bitterness of loss. As a way of seeking distraction from these painful reflections Tieria turned his attention to the remaining Meisters. Allelujah seemed to be quietly studying Regene, his eyes going from him to Tieria, silently taking notes of the similarity between the two. Setsuna stared with his typical intensity as if committing them to memory and now took it to himself to solemnly shake hands with Regene. 

There should be more questions. A whole army of them. Regene’s existence by itself called out enough questions and his presence here added even more. Tieria waited for an interrogation that he was not even sure he could endure. He felt oddly isolated as he was on trial for not being human, for not being enough, for not measuring up. 

When no questions came and Regene was escorted to see the rest of the ship while a chirpy Mileina chattered about ‘another Erde-san’ Tieria was relieved beyond belief. As he passed a panoramic window he briefly touched the glass. The cold emptiness of space was eternal and unchanging. He closed his eyes and wondered if Neil could see him now as he stood here, in this place, at odds with himself and united to an existence that both mirrored and contradicted his. Tieria recoiled inwardly as guilt gnawed at him. He walked rapidly away from this all too familiar spot, trying to evade the all too familiar doubt.

_Other_

“Are you alright with ‘friend’?” 

It was later that day and well into the artificially conceived night. Regene watched Tieria change into his sleepwear and took a around the room. Tieria’s room was bare and stripped of anything other than highly functional items. If not for Regene’s keen perception of all things related to Tieria he might have not even noticed the picture frame that he hurriedly hid in a drawer. 

“Oh, yes, sure. Friend is fine.”

Tieria was distracted. Regene could tell as much. There was a certain awkwardness that was heightened by sharing the same small quarters and Tieria’s solution was to dive into activity for no reason. Regene knew that this was Tieria’s way of dealing with issues, unlike himself he had never learnt the power of reflection. What else would explain the fact that he saw fit to fold a bundle of Celestial Being uniforms, pressing the short purple jackets with useless diligence and carefully straightening white pants. 

_‘Friend’ is a lie, Tieria_.

Regene sat cross legged in the narrow bunk and waited for Tieria to be done doing, well, nothing useful. As he expected as soon as Tieria was done tidying up his professional clothes he moved to arrange rows of tight flight suits, then a few rows of pastel cardigans. At which point he moved to the computer work stand and began to type rapidly, his eyes scanning figures on the screen. Regene kept on waiting. He paid close attention to Tieria’s posture as he relaxed behind the wall of data. Cleverly hiding. Avoiding contact. It made Tieria feel safe.  
No matter how much information he assessed there would be more information to assess. Regene knew this very well as did Tieria. It was typical Tieria to redirect things that he could not control such as emotional baggage into that which he could control. Even if only into mechanical tasks such as running programs. 

“Your team mates seem very nice.” 

“Yes, I suppose so.” 

Regene had to be patient but he still wanted to talk. Being introduced as Tieria’s ‘friend’ had been Regene’s strategy to keep the whole crew from becoming too aware that Tieria was utterly clueless. It was far from accurate. They had gone beyond that boundary and in this shifting scenario of half guessed intentions there was precious little that was tangible and solid- qualities that Tieria so prized. As for Regene, he knew all he had to know in the synchronization of gestures and thoughts that he felt when in tune with Tieria. 

At length Tieria abandoned the computer and stood unsure of what to do.

“It’s a bit late. Are you coming to bed?”

Regene could almost see the cogs turning in Tieria’s brain as he hunted for some excuse to do something. He decided to act and reached out across the small room, taking his hand and motioning him to join him. Tieria obeyed but even as he sat by Regene’s side he stared absent mindedly at the floor, his face hidden by a swish of straight purple hair. At length he removed and folded his glasses and lied down. Regene scooted out of his way. Two adult humans would find it difficult to share such a narrow bunk but Tieria and Regene were fairy small and lithe, their identical bodies perfectly sculpted in delicate frames that were smooth to the touch. 

Regene preferred naked contact when they were this close but Tieria insisted on being fully clothed now that they were aboard this ship. Building frontiers. Regene tried to efface them by tracing a caress on Tieria’s cheek and kissed his lips lightly. 

“We can’t do this- by human terms we are siblings…”

_But we are not human. Even if it hurts you to admit it._

Regene broke the kiss and snuggled closer to Tieria, getting their legs entangled. Cozy warmth descended upon them and eased away some of Tieria’s discomfort. Regene combed his hair to keep it from curtaining his beautiful face, he wanted to look into this mirror-like image that was yet different. 

“Goodnight, Tieria.”

“Goodnight.”

Regene could tell that Tieria wanted to say something but at the last minute decided against it.

*

Outside of human influence Tieria had not resisted the natural fusion of bodies that to them was a way of searching for answers for the identical reactions just beneath their fingertips but Regene could feel him retracting back into a shell of conventions that served more as a protection than anything else.

Regene added brief and almost fluttery caresses. Brushing fingers along his shoulder, waist, hip. Unobtrusive touches that were like sketches of an intention. Tieria relaxed under the familiar pattern of tame warmth tattooed over the surface of his skin. He sighed almost silently and smiled faintly. Regene wrapped arms around him and brought their foreheads together. This was a kind of intimacy that Regene knew would be acceptable to Tieria for it was harmless. Staying within the scope of legitimate experience.

Tieria closed his eyes. 

“Why did you want to come here?”

“I wanted to meet your companions.”

 _I wanted to know why you won’t let go of the past._

“They’re a motley crew of sorts, I suppose.” 

“I don’t mind them.” 

Regene too had expected a manifold of questions and was vaguely surprised at their absence. These were the humans Tieria had lived with for such a long time that Regene could not help being curious about them. But he knew that the one human whose impact had so marked Tieria was gone and forever erased from the world of the living. There were times when Tieria’s grief was almost a physical presence clinging to the heaviness in his eyes. To Regene it was like a great shapeless obstacle between himself and Tieria. 

“You’ll see more of them, I’m sure. More than you’d like.”

_But I can’t meet the man who still has a hold over you. I can’t ask him to let you go._

Tieria rubbed his eyes in an almost childish manner and quietly yawned. 

“Sleep well.” 

“Sure…you too.” 

Regene stayed awake, though and watched over Tieria who drifted soon enough. Trying to read whatever dreams visited him and hoping to meet him there, beyond the shackles in which Tieria was so entangled.


	2. Chapter 2

_I/Other_

Their first encounter had been filled with the liquid light of dawn setting silver strands over a tropical sea. Dew sprinkled greenery surrounded the clearing and under a limpid clear sky Regene stepped out of a grey shadow and set his eyes on Tieria. 

To Regene it had been a confirmation, like finding something precious long lost. To Tieria it had sent him spinning into a spiraling chaos of questions upon questions. A point of discord that set them apart. 

Confusion, hesitation, a sense of ineptness, all this mingled with the scent of blossoming flowers and Tieria had known that he could never pull the trigger on the smiling twin that basked in a halo of early morning, relief and a certain snarky happiness coloring Regene’s recollection of the events. 

Tieria’s silence regarding Regene’s existence had been an instinctive reaction at first, his natural reluctance in letting others into his shameful secret- that of being non-human- and quickly became a conscious decision. Regene’s loyalties were a mystery and during the long debates that they held in their minds alone, Tieria curled in his bunk at the Ptolomeios and Regene royally sitting on a plush couch, Tieria wondered many a time if he was betraying his human companions by simply indulging in these dialogue sessions.

Telepathy had literally terrified him at first, to the point Tieria had tried to completely block out this function but by degrees it soothed his loneliness. It was only then as he demolished the immense distance that Tieria became fully aware that the void he felt was solitude. For a long time Tieria had fooled himself into believing that his faith in Neil was enough to see him through, that drawing strength from memory alone could sustain him through tribulations. 

_“Are you happy, Tieria?”_

_“I don’t know- it doesn’t matter.”_

Regene used telepathy to solidify a bond that might otherwise wither in the cold absence. He waited, patiently, for Tieria to come to terms with everything. Their actual encounters had been few and far in between, each a succession of gradients that went from deeply woven moments in which Tieria and Regene struck a fragile yet perfect equilibrium to thin instants of separation even when together, of being other. 

So the escalation into physical closeness had been akin to a revelation. 

_I_

Tieria kept the anniversary of Neil’s death. It was the only time he took a break from work. He was sure that everyone aboard the Ptolomeios knew why he chose to have a day off and go to the surface on that precise date but he did not particularly care. It was not a holiday but more of an ordeal that Tieria imposed on himself. 

This yearly pilgrimage to the Dylandy graves was never pleasant but a mix of nostalgia, guilt and longing. Tieria had arranged for Neil to have a plot next to that of his parents of his sister and he devotedly placed flowers by the tombstones. It was a fruitless ritual that Tieria only understood through his research as was the black suit and tie he donned especially for this occasion but it was the only way he could pay an homage. 

Neil would surely understand, Tieria thought. Or perhaps it was just wishful thinking on his part. After Lyle’s addition to the team Tieria had taken two days to mourn the Dylandy sibling that meant so much to him. During this time he did no sightseeing apart from the almost unchanging cemetery scene that he revisited almost as a form of self inflicted punishment. Moist air and the green fragrance of wet grass and the hovering presence of rain even when the sun peeked through trailing clouds, the feeling of hot tears that eventually grew cold as he stood in the dwindling sunset, unmoving. He never took an umbrella and simply allowed for the elements to unleash their fury on him if they so saw fit- a sentimental notion that had no rational grounds whatsoever. 

It had been raining heavily the last time he had stood before Neil’s grave. A kind of early darkness turned a murky twilight into night, shadow lashed with steel sharp rain that was like so many needles. Tieria had lost notion of time in the inner turbulence that filled his heart and only became aware of the outside world when the rain ceased to descend upon his bowed head. 

An umbrella arched above him and holding it was Regene. Tieria had not asked how Regene knew where to find him. Instead of being angered at this intrusion on his privacy Tieria had only felt gratitude. 

_Other_

Regene held him amidst the deluge and let him cry as Tieria needed to cry. He led him back to a luxurious hotel suite where Regene dried him with a soft towel, gently undressing him and slipping him into a fluffy purple robe. The silence was heavy and almost undisturbed even as Tieria sobbed very quietly. Regene knew that this apathy was uncharacteristic and the result of extreme sorrow even if he would rather believe that it was a sign of trust that Tieria allowed him to simply take charge. 

Tieria’s pain was very naked in his wounded eyes that stared at the past without acknowledging the here and now. Regene felt that Tieria was actively canceling his being here, the attachment to this human dragging Tieria into an emotional swamp of sorts. Regene suspected that he would never be able to tell Tieria but he resented that a dead human should still hold sway over him and bring him such bleak misery. 

There was no consolation to offer and Regene waited as he always did. Eventually Tieria’s tears ran dry and he leaned against Regene for emotional support. Kissing was Regene’s initiative but Tieria accepted it almost as a relief. Regene let Tieria take the lead in the descent into the perfectly coordinated mingling of bodies that followed. It hardly mattered to him who dominated and Tieria needed this sense of control even if it was somewhat illusory.

• 

Tieria’s desperation was diluted in Regene’s warmth and the engulfing rush blended them together in the same rhythm of flesh upon flesh. Regene clasped Tieria’s hand in his for greater contact and as a reminder of the feelings that were sharpened into clarity as they climaxed at precisely the same time, their similar bodily structure reaching a state of perfect calibration.

_This is love, Tieria. I know it. To me this can only be love._

And then Tieria was withdrawing and mumbling the human’s name as he crawled away in bed. Saying something about how great a mistake this was. Regene did not let his sadness show. Instead he respected the space that Tieria enforced between them- two sides of the bed became distant galaxies- and did what he was so used to doing.

Regene waited. 

_I_

Tieria had never meant it to get to this point and as soon as he was liberated from the euphoria of orgasm he blamed it on grief and tried to get away from Regene who spread in bed with a smile that Tieria read as an accusation. 

“Neil…this was a mistake- a terrible mistake. I’m sorry-”

_I betray everything and everyone._

He knew that he should leave but he also knew that complete loneliness would crush him. So Tieria stayed, hoping that his weakness would be accepted. Choosing meant to betray someone and for the millionth time he asked himself why Neil had taken that shot in his place, why had he gone against common sense simply for revenge. Why had he failed to change the world while so utterly revolutionizing Tieria’s world. 

_Why did you leave me?_

Tieria knew that he idolized Neil and that it was not healthy. He knew this just as he knew that death was irrevocable but dwelling on Neil’s flaws was simply too painful to be endured. It was cowardly of Tieria but it was also a matter of emotional survival. As a soldier Tieria knew that at times underhand strategies had to be employed to keep the unit functional. Even if that meant tampering with the truth. Memory was data, data could be manipulated, manipulating information was his raison d’être. 

Tieria turned his back to Regene and tried to disappear under the covers. Willing the universe to forget about him and obliterate him. 

I/Other

Regene floated upwards and peeked into Seravee’s cockpit where Tieria was busy rapidly typing on a small keyboard. 

“What are you doing?”

“Just correcting some parameters. I’ll be done shortly.”

Regene used the low gravity to his advantage and leaped to the top on the cockpit, lying on it and watching Tieria just over the rim on the roof. 

“Do you want to go for a walk outside after you’re done?” 

“Sure.”

They both enjoyed being in space but for the most part they hardly ever had a chance of meeting in their natural environment.

*

Tieria was true to his word and in ten minutes time he joined Regene in the decompression chamber. Regene greatly enjoyed the sight of Tieria’s sleek purple flightsuit. It was particularly charming when there was no one around and Regene could enjoy every curve beautifully rendered beneath the rubbery second skin. And there was something very commanding yet stripped of self-consciousness in the way he carried a helmet under his arm.

“What do you think you’re doing?! Put on a helmet!” 

Regene tilted his head to the side, inquisitively.

“Why? I don’t need it. Neither do you. We can both breathe in space.” 

Tieria looked around as if he expected to find hidden cameras and floated to a nearby cabin from where he extracted a flightsuit identical to his own and a helmet.

“I know that but what will happen if anyone sees you just floating in space like a fish in the ocean? How would I explain-”

_“-that we’re not human.”_

Tieria had been so dumbfounded when Regene had simply removed his helmet in space that Regene had seen fit to snap a photograph of his absurdly shocked expression. As far as Tieria knew Regene still carried said picture. He truly wished Regene was not as impulsive and carefree. And perhaps he was a bit jealous of this breezy attitude.

“Alright but it’s just not the same with a helmet.” 

Regene proceeded to unbutton his shirt only to have Tieria suddenly start and turn around almost dramatically, a swish of very straight purple hair following his movement. Regene blinked in mild perplexity.

“I said I’ll wear it, why are you-”

“You can’t just undress like that! It’s just…strange.” 

It made Tieria very uncomfortable even if he would find it difficult to explain why it was so.  
Unfortunately Regene saw fit to inquire into it. 

“Why? You’ve seen me naked before and vice-versa. And even if you hadn’t our bodies are absolutely identical. Unless you close your eyes when you undress?” 

Regene was particularly surprised since just last night he had watched Tieria slip into his sleepwear without it raising any reaction. Tieria fumbled for words to express that it was different- something about Regene sliding into the very tight suit, squirming slightly and maybe even asking Tieria to zip it- but only managed to stammer, rather lamely. 

“That’s not the same, this is a military orientated chamber and proper military procedure must be followed and that includes…propriety. Yes, that’s it.”

Regene blinked again and shrugged. Tieria had his peculiarities, some that resulted from his training as a soldier, others that were simply weird and that to Regene were mysterious and occasionally adorable. 

“Alright. If you say so.” 

Regene was careful to fold his civilian clothes so that Tieria would not be upset by disorderly white loosely fitting pants and purple sleeved shirt. The flightsuit felt as tight as it looked, Regene was vaguely amused as he noticed the way Tieria stood with arms crossed behind his back as if he was attending a military parade. 

“All set.”

Tieria hesitated for half a heartbeat before turning around. For a split second he absolutely sure that Regene would be stark naked, wearing nothing than that sly smile of his that made Tieria's notions of propriety waver and crumble. Fortunately Regene had the suit on but that was not much better. In a way it might even be worse, Tieria’s eyes darted away almost immediately, the suit was maddeningly teasing in a way he did not want to think about.

“Right.” 

Tieria produced two cables from a cabinet and gave Regene a long winded lecture on the importance and proper use of such items. Regene feigned an interest that he did not at have. He knew full well how to handle himself in outer space but to Tieria this passing of instructions, so vital between soldiers, was his way of showing care. 

“-so you must keep it clipped at all times. Got it?”

Regene nodded. 

“I got it. Can we go now?” 

Tieria informed the bridge via the intercom and activated the inner doors that sealed shut behind them while the outer ones parted to deliver them unto the unblemished purity of space. Silver studded darkness. Silent peace. Regene and Tieria stood in equally silent contemplation that bordered on worship.

The same thrill ran through the two of them as they sailed out of the confines of the ship. To Regene it felt as if they were leaving behind all that was human limitation and meeting exhilarating freedom. Gravity-less. 

Space was a welcome and all inclusive embrace. Regene followed Tieria all the way to a raised spot at the hull of the ship. Tieria’s leadership skills became very apparent when circumstance called for them and Regene enjoyed that he could be so assertive. It was a sign of what Tieria was capable of, a side of his relentless tenacity that was yet undermined by self-doubt.

Tieria sat and studied the clear beauty all around him. He was never given to expressing how he could be moved by some scenes, that of wide glittery stars being one of those closer to his heart so it was up to Regene to voice both of their opinions by saying,

“It is free out here.”

Tieria nodded in acquiescence. He was still wondering if he should try and articulate into words how this immensity of calculated distance spanning infinity filled him with peaceful anticipation- a contradiction but still the truth- when Regene gingerly removed his helmet and smiled happily at nothing in particular. 

“Don’t do that!” 

Regene slumped back and tossed his head back. Starlight enshrined his face with a special kind of illumination that brought the redness of the eyes into relief. Tieria wondered if he could ever be this beautiful. He could never escape their absolute similarity, it was both obvious and defining, but there were moments when Tieria could hardly believe that he could look so much like Regene. These were moments when he became consciously aware of how he gravitated toward Regene- irrevocably, with all the undeniable pull of destiny. 

“Live a bit, Tieria. There is no one here that could possibly see us.”

Regene smiled at Tieria’s awkwardness as he fumbled for an excuse. It seemed to Regene that Tieria’s issue with being in space without the medium of a helmet was rooted deeply and went beyond being watched. So he made sure to squeeze Tieria’s hand as he removed his helmet. 

Tieria instinctively held his breath and did not struggle as Regene brought their lips together and breathed into him- a quasi-kiss that was sweet in its innocence. Tieria realized that breathing in space was invigorating as soon as the shock of icy coldness left him. Surrounded by endless space, as if Regene and himself were the only living entities in the universe. That was what occupied his mind as Tieria deepened the lingering impression of warmth into a true kiss. Chaste and subtle but still very real. 

Regene ruffled Tieria’s hair, breaking the shell of discipline behind which Tieria had grown so used to hiding. Silky purple floated in a sway in a halo of soft color. 

Regene spun upward, the cable trailing on his wake. Tieria watched him as he took advantage of this exciting environment to slowly twirl, gracefully, back completely arched until his feet almost brushed his head. It was a kind of agility that defied human ability and Tieria found himself admiring the effortless smoothness with which he stayed afloat with such ease.

“Let’s play tag, Tieria.”

“Tag?” 

Regene returned to the surface of the ship and skipped in a circle, delicately wrapping the cable around Tieria and then poking him.

“You’re it.” 

Instead of running away as tag entailed Regene took him by the hand and leaped up, forfeiting contact with anything solid. Tieria followed and allowed Regene to uncoil the cable until he too could freely float in space.

“I don’t think this is the way tag works.” 

Tieria was painfully aware of how lame he sounded. Regene merely smiled enigmatically. 

“No, you can play it this way as well. You only need to catch me.”

_I don’t know if I’m brave enough to do that._

Silence unfurled around them, filled with meanings.


	3. Chapter 3

  _Other_

It was proper procedure to hang on to the railing handle bars as it was stipulated in article 345, section B) of the Celestial Being manual of conduct aboard the Ptolomeios. Regene, however, found it so much better so sit cross legged on the handle. He now did just that and was hopping to another railing when the spotted Allelujah going in the same direction.

“Hello.”

“Tieria…?”

He was clearly surprised. Regene smiled happily.

“I’m Regene.”

“I’m sorry, I should have known better. I don’t think Tieria would ever sit on the handle like that.”

Regene chuckled and swung his legs in a childish way that spoke of caring little for conventions. He still wore the flightsuit for no other reason other than it emphasized his similarity to Tieria. Confusing humans could be highly entertaining.

“Is Tieria always very strict with the crew?”

Regene prized data gathering as much as his pilot counterpart even if unlike Tieria he saw no need to make that a priority in itself. It was purely a means to an end. And each member of a crew was a piece of the puzzle that Regene was willing to diligently collect to recreate the picture of Tieria’s recent past.

“He used to be like that all the time. But he changed since Lockon- since Lockon died. I hadn’t seen Tieria in a long time so I noticed he was really different.”

 Regene had the impression that he kept running into a ghost that blocked him by simply standing in Tieria’s memory as a gray phantom that was a shifty obstacle. Impossible to destroy because it was formless and powerful because revitalized by constant recollection.

“Changed in what way?”

The rails hummed slightly in the whiteness of the corridor. Regene only noticed it now.

“Well, Tieria was always so dedicated to the mission. He got pretty cross if anyone screwed up. But then the whole thing with Veda happened and Lockon helped him get past it. So when Lockon died…Tieria was pretty shaken up.”

Regene knew that there was much more to this but his role was to extract information not to provide it unless it served his purpose. Meanwhile Allelujah carried on.

“He became…nicer. More tolerant. He even made me a cup of coffee. And he smiles every now and then.”

That the change had been profound enough to become observable was very telling. To Regene it was something of a bitter revelation.

“Can I ask you something?”

Regene knew what the question would be just by the way Allelujah suddenly avoided eye contact and by his shuffling that denoted extreme awkwardness.

“Do ask.”

“You and Tieria…you’re not human, right? I mean, not like regular humans.”

Allelujah seemed to regret the words the moment they left his mouth and he rushed to rectify his blunder.

“I don’t mean it as an insult, I’m sorry if I offended you- please don’t be mad.”

“We’re not, no. Is that a problem?”

Allelujah’s eyes widened slightly.

“No, no, no problem. I’m not sure I’m human either…I’m sorry, I didn’t want to be rude. I was just curious. Tieria is not like regular people.”

They reached the end of the railing and Regene jumped off.

“It is alright. But can I ask you to please not discuss this with Tieria under any circumstances?”

Allelujah nodded emphatically.

“I’d never do that. He’d shoot me. Are you going to the cafeteria? We should be having dinner shortly.”

Regene smiled inwardly at the clumsy change of subject. Apparently Tieria was not the only one aboard the Ptolomeios whose social skills were underdeveloped. Regene made a mental note to correct that.

 

* * *

  
_I_

“They all taste the same.”

Tieria announced this and served himself and Regene with some brown processed food from a rack with green and whitish pudding-like food items, none of which looked particularly appetizing. Tieria was used to such rations and being nutrient balanced as they were he could easily overlook the repulsive visual aspect and lack of taste. But he watched Regene closely as he sat before his plate and leisurely poked the food.

“I’m sure it’ll be alright.”

Tieria was not too sure of that. Everyone hated the ship’s food. Tieria winced slightly as he remembered how Neil would so often breezily compare it to all sorts of unlikely things and ramble at length about Irish food- shepherd’s pie was his all time favorite, better served with chilled beer.

“We should have some snacks around, I’ll get you some.”

Tieria always had this need for action of any kind when his emotions disarmed him.

“You’ve been eating this for a long time then so can.”

Regene took a bite and meditatively chewed. Tieria watched with some apprehension before he began eating himself.

“It’s not very good in terms of flavor but it’s calibrated to satisfy all daily requirements as far as calories are concerned. It is also high in vitamins and minerals.”

Tieria hated how he often sounded as if he was reading off a manual. Regene could talk so easily and with such security that Tieria could not help but feel very lacking. It seemed that Regene could chatter about anything to anyone, his conversational mode modulated with all sorts of subtleties that were beyond Tieria’s practical but ungracious speech patterns.

“It’s not bad. Besides, I am glad to share a meal with you.”

Tieria focused all of his attention on his plate as if deeply interested in its contents. He did not know how to respond to Regene’s unpredictable tirades. Their sincerity was overpowering. It was so much easier to be in space, disconnected from the world and in a reality of just two.

“Dessert is usually better. Or so I’ve heard, I never had it myself.”

Tieria carried on eating, mechanically so.

“Why not?”

“It’s unnecessary to add any extra caloric content to one’s daily intake of nutrients.”

Even to himself Tieria sounded like some pre-programmed record spewing information.

“Maybe you’ll get fat. That would be fun to watch.”

Tieria smiled weakly. Regene’s idea of humor was puzzling and Tieria always had a hard time understanding it. Only recently had Tieria become aware that there were different kinds of humor. Neil’s had been goofy and often based on linguistic similitude and Freudian slips with plenty of references to pop culture that meant nothing to Tieria. Regene’s was more oblique and infused with a consciousness of superiority that could veer to the sardonic or even downward snarky. Tieria often expected Regene to announce that something that he had taken very literally was in fact a joke. At least with Neil it was usually possible to tell that he was joking even if the point was lost to Tieria, with Regene it felt like a complicated riddle that had more to it than its face value.

“That won’t happen, our organisms eliminate any excess.”

Regene laughed lightly and Tieria cursed his tendency to say the least suitable things at the worst possible time.

“Do you always eat clockwise?”

Tieria nearly jumped from his seat. He had almost forgotten about this habit of his. Regene looked vaguely intrigued.

“Yes- I’m not sure why. Method is important, though. Method is always important in any procedure even one that is not complex.”

Tieria eyed his food with a sinking heart. He wondered if it was possible to be any more obtuse and sound more like an idiot if he actually tried. Somehow he doubted it. Regene took another bite, almost thoughtfully.

“I’ll give it a go, then.”

To Tieria’s surprise Regene neatly began to eat in a clockwise fashion. Tieria wondered if it was some sort of practical joke that would go over his head.

“You’re still wearing the flightsuit.”

“I wanted to see just how many of your co-workers would mistake me for you. Also, I should get used to wearing this.”

Tieria was silent for a while.

“Oh. When you take it off let me know, it’s usually difficult to unzip it if you’re not used.”

Tieria almost choked on his food. He could not explain why he seemed cursed to saying things that could be taken the wrong way. Or perhaps it was not even the wrong way- after all he had kissed Regene of his own accord just shortly. Tieria blamed it on the effect of being in space without a helmet. It apparently affected his rationality. Tieria decided not to repeat the experiment.

“I am sure to call on you, then.”

Regene’s sly smile silenced Tieria who focused on studying the depths of his food. He glanced around for help but there was only Allelujah, doing his utmost to blend with the wall. Tieria was beginning to despair when Mileina burst through the cafeteria, a squee heralding her grand arrival.

“Woah, you really look just like Tieria!”

Tieria smiled faintly. He was not too sure why but he had become the world’s most unlikely part-time babysitter to the bubbly girl. She had been just ten when a grief stricken Tieria had first met her and by degrees he came to overlap her with Neil’s sister. Tieria knew that the crew had been more than a little surprised at his taking care of a little girl when he was far from patient but he had soon realized that children as Mileina would never see him as the aberration he often felt himself to be.

“Why, thank you.”

Tieria watched with bemusement as Mileina stared at Regene with very wide eyes.

“You’re almost as pretty!”

Tieria sighed while Regene chuckled.

“Mileina, I told you many times before to please not say such things. You should know this by now.”

She pouted comically enough.

“But you _are_ pretty! Tieria is the prettiest boy ever. Don’t you think?”

Regene nodded in mock solemnity.

“Of course. Tieria is beautiful.”

Tieria had a feeling that Regene was also complimenting himself but Mileina was nodding enthusiastically and tugging at his sleeve.

“Yay! But to think there’s two of you!”

“You should be having dinner around this time. I’ll get it.”

Mileina turned to Regene as she announced,

“Tieria makes special meals for me. Just for me!”

“That’s because the food aboard was developed for a grownup crew and you’re still growing.”

“I’m already all grown up!”

Tieria shook his head and fetched the specially prepared meal. He wondered why Mileina had never said anything about the fact that Tieria remained the same without growing old. Surely she was aware that something was off, that Tieria was not a living doll. He caught part of a conversation as he returned to the table.

“- and that is why I’m going to marry him!”

Regene was clearly amused and Mileina positively beamed.

“Mileina, don’t annoy Regene. Here, I got your food.”

She gingerly sat in front of the plate and began munching her way into gray stuff. Regene was mildly surprised.

“Is that tasty?”

“Not really but Erde-san made it just for me so it’s got to be good.”

Tieria had no idea why Mileina would promote him to ‘Erde-san’ almost randomly. His lingering smile died on his lips as it occurred to him, not for the first time, that Mileina would grow into a woman, then age and eventually die- assuming she did not get killed before her time- while Tieria would remain his youthful looking self forever.


	4. Chapter 4

_Other_

“That girl has a crush on you.”

Tieria shrugged. Dinner time was over and they were in his room. Regene sat in bed with his back turned to Tieria. Regene had never expected the offer to help him unzip the flightsuit, it was one of those lucky opportunities that he was not about to let slip. He could feel Tieria’s hesitation even without seeing him and could envision him faltering. Half-committed. Finger tips brushed the zipper and slowly pulled it down. Regene did nothing other than let Tieria peel off the rubbery fabric, merely casting a glance at him over his shoulder.

Tieria had that look of studious concentrations that broke into a startled expression as he met white skin that he almost touched.

“You’re supposed to wear a shirt with this.”

“Oh? Is that so. I did not know that. That explains why it feels glued to my skin.”

“Yes, that would be it.”

Regene let Tieria strip the suit until it pooled around his waist. In all fairness the zipper was not particularly difficult to remove and Regene was perfectly capable of doing it himself but he saw no point in informing Tieria of this. Not when Tieria proceeded to slide it down Regene’s hips. Regene cleverly hid any sign of the steady expectation building in him as Tieria’s lips ghosted his exposed shoulder.

The intercom beeped into life.

“Tieria, could you check out Seravee’s parameters? Some computers crashed and we lost your latest updates.”

The mechanical sounding voice annoyed Regene considerably and the situation was not improved by Tieria’s almost automatic,

“Roger.”

Regene was sorely peeved as he felt Tieria’s weight leave the bed, a swish of purple as he hurried for the door. Regene wondered if Tieria had momentarily forgotten about him or if he was using his duties as an excuse to avoid the consequences of the seduction game that he could not deny.

“I’ll be back as soon as I reboot the machines. Primitive machinery is so prone to crashing, I wish they would update it.”

And with this Tieria was gone, leaving a half-naked and very forlorn Regene sitting in bed.  
  
For a while Regene waited but this was a strategy that he was beginning to realize had many shortcomings. He removed the suit completely and put on his normal clothes. His eyes wandered over the bare room and came to rest on a particular drawer. It was Regene’s time to hesitate but only briefly.

As he expected he found a picture inside. It had been carefully sealed in a non-adherent layer and framed. That alone attested to the importance this item had to Tieria. Regene was sure that it had been scanned and probably stored directly in Tieria’s visual library but he still clung to this physical representation. Something that he could touch.

Regene studied the photograph. It featured Tieria in civilian attire. Blue jeans and a light green shirt, a shy but very warm smile giving him a youthful aura that Regene knew stood for happiness. Standing next to him and with a strong arm around his shoulder was Neil Dylandy, code name Lockon Stratos. He was holding an ice-cream cone and winking at Tieria. The goofy Hawaiian shirt was not enough to hide his sex appeal, Regene could see it in his carefree way that proved his idea of a sexy sniper who comfortably accepted the raw magnetism he exerted on those around him.

Regene wondered briefly who had taken this picture. It seemed unlikely that it was anyone from the Ptolomeios’ crew. He turned his attention to the background. A tropical environment judging by the deep array of greens and the bit of sandy beach that could be seen in the near distance. Summer ease. A slight tan on the human.

It was with some apprehension that Regene removed the photograph from its frame and turned it around. Tieria had written down a date in his very neat calligraphy. Four years prior. A month before the human’s death. Possibly the happiest days of Tieria’s life.

Regene bit his lower lip in concentration. His assumption had been that Tieria’s infatuation had been just that. A fantasy constructed by Tieria on flimsy basis mingled with a profound sense of loyalty that hinged directly on feeling unworthy. Judging by this picture there had been a lot more to it than wishful thinking on Tieria’s part.

It made things more problematic. The idealization factor was not attenuated, Regene knew as much, if anything it was heightened for it fed on actual memories that fueled it. Ousting the dead was an uphill battle. The dead soon became perfected in the mind of those who were bound to them. After all the dead would never make any mistakes, never let one down, never reject one. Already Tieria’s had a tendency of believing that this human could do no wrong and he could draw daily comparisons with this twin brother, all worked to make this attachment grow stronger instead of fading.

Regene was so engaged in considering all this and making a plan to draw Tieria into his sphere of influence that he did not hear the door open.

“What are you doing?”

Regene started and for the first time felt something like guilt in Tieria’s presence.

 Tieria strode into the room and confronted Regene who faltered at the cold rage he could easily read in Tieria’s attitude, from the way he stood with his back very straight to the sharp light in his eyes.

“Give me that back.”

“Tieria, I just wanted to see-”

“Give it back _now_.”

Regene obeyed. He knew that Tieria’s anger was not to be taken lightly. Tieria took the picture and frame with a gentleness that did not betray the inner agitation that Regene could so well recognize. The items went into another drawer and Tieria punched in a code. Regene made another effort to reach him.

“I didn’t mean to intrude on your privacy-”

“Don’t you have a report to file? To Ribbons Almark. Unless you are not yet done gathering information on me?”

Regene recoiled as if stung. Tieria was not facing him but deliberately turned around. It was highly painful that Tieria should question his loyalty like this but Regene could let it get to him.

“I’m on your side, Tieria. I’ll always be.”

He had the impression that Tieria was getting something from yet another drawer and before Regene had any time to wonder any further Tieria had spun around, a gun firmly aimed. Regene did not even blink. All things considered it was not unexpected.

“Section 23, article 7 of Celestial Being’s Guide of Conduct: ‘If spies are detected it is up to the operatives to determine whether to shoot them on sight or proceed with interrogations.’”

 Regene brought the barrel of the gun to his forehead. The metal was cold and unforgiving. Tieria stared steadily at his prospective target and Regene was glad that he could see the resolution to bring about destruction falter even if only slightly. A minimal shift that no one could have perceived.

“If you believe that I am a spy, if you truly think so in your heart then pull the trigger.”

Tieria’s grip on the gun tightened. Much more than needed to control the weapon.

“Do you want to die?”

“No. But if the decision you reached is that I should die here and now then pull the trigger. If you, as Tieria Erde, decided that I am a threat to you then I will respect it. But don’t use rules and regulations as an excuse to do your will. That’s beneath you.”

There was no visible reaction. Some of Tieria’s angered indignation transpired to Regene who held his gaze without wavering. He would not be intimidated by displays of blind strength such as this. Not when there was so much at stake. The tense silence grew wider but Regene was unafraid. It was not the first time he was on this side of a barrel with Tieria on the other side. If anything it saddened him it was that they should be so at odds with each other.

“Don’t ever go through my things again. Is that understood?”

“Absolutely.”

The gun disappeared but Regene did not relax.

“I will assign you another room.”

Regene expected this but there was still a pang at this added distance.

“As you wish.”

His words were keyed neutrally even as his eyes reflected a world of turmoil.

 “Get out now.”

Regene got up very slowly. Tieria was sliding back into his own private bleak misery where Regene was a footnote. Regene preferred the anger that at least put him in Tieria’s thoughts than being cast aside like this. He left the room without another a word. Tieria had already relapsed into a darkness where he sealed himself shut.  
  
_I/Other_

Knowledge, the manipulation and understanding of information- such were the guidelines to their existences as beings designed _a priori_ to operate with highly complex systems. As such any gap in the structure of data was a blind spot.

Regene’s advent deepened Tieria’s perception of how little he knew. Of all the unknown variables that conditioned him. That someone as close and yet so apart could be such an enigma was terrifying. Tieria began building his idea of Regene because he had forced into it. A conflicted array of concentric circles that was dynamic in response to a shocking event. Reflection followed much later and never quite managed to fully create a truly functional stability.

 As for Regene, he had known of Tieria’s existence since the very start. The exercise of pondering, predicting, formulating hypotheses about Tieria had become a steady routine.

Elaborated with care in tranquility that was spiced with a great amount of curiosity that amounted to true excitement. Matching theory to practice demanded full commitment. From the many possibilities, the process of selection proved highly challenging. But it created distortions, unpredictable outcomes akin to an algorithm that worked outside of previously established parameters.

A clash of irrevocable consequences from both sides.  
  
_I_

Tieria realized that he had overreacted almost as soon as the door slid shut behind Regene but he did nothing to counter it. Instead he returned the gun to its place and sat in bed. He felt suddenly too tired to do anything and even his usual distraction, work, seemed less appealing. Tieria retrieved the photograph from the locked drawer and stared at it. He could almost hear Neil’s laughter, could almost feel his arm around him, could almost feel strong sunlight playing tricks on his eyes. Almost.

He was past the phase of clutching this memento of the past and crying himself to sleep but grief had seeped into his entire life, mixing with all aspects of it. Tieria took a deep breath and tried to think about the plan. There was always a plan. Tieria approved of the plan. Tieria also did not know what the plan was about, if he were to be honest.

But plans were good. They assigned one a role and all one had to do was focus on that. If you deviated from the plan you ended up gazing at the vibrant colors of a beautiful day in a dead past and wishing you could go back. Tieria was not sure whether the plan needed him, after all he had failed in a very tangible way, but he desperately needed it.

 Tieria envied Regene. Whatever role Regene might have in the plan he was able to somehow ignore it and breezily do whatever he wanted. Regene’s motivations remained a mystery to Tieria but his self-confidence and sense of freedom- walks in space with no helmet, waltzing through complications with grace and ease- made Tieria jealous. It also fascinated him.

_Why can’t I be like that?_

He realized that he was holding the frame too tightly. The glass threatened to give way. Tieria kissed it briefly and then stored it away again, this time under his pillow. Another glitch in the system. Tieria closed his eyes and sighed. Where was the plan when you needed it.  
  
_Other_

“Regene? You’re Regene, right?”

He halted and turned around to find the human teenage girl. Feldt Grace. Not someone he particularly wanted to talk to but Regene reconsidered this as he took notice of her shyness and remembered that this girl had witnessed Tieria’s progress in the last four years. Statistical-wise quiet individuals tended to be very observant so here was potential source of information worth exploring.

“I am Regene, yes.”

They floated to a secluded area.

“I’m sorry to bother you but- I’ve been wondering, can you use Veda? Like Tieria?”

Regene fully expected this issue to be raised by the crew but not by this soft spoken girl.

“Yes. I have a Veda connection.”

“How can you do that? I’m sorry, that was out of line. It’s just that I overheard Tieria talking to Neil- Lockon, I mean- about Veda and I’ve been wondering…”

_Neil? So she too employs his real name._

Regene’s interest was immediately sharpened. Judging by the inflexion and the way she seemed afraid of revealing too much Regene concluded that whatever this girl had stumbled upon it concerned much more than just Veda. Either way he would not divulge anything regarding the procedure of linking up. Regene could sense that this human did not normally approach strangers and he congratulated himself on making himself approachable.

“Did Tieria get along with Neil?”

Might as well join in and gain her trust by using the familiar name.

“They were…close. They spent a lot of time together.”

   
Regene had the impression that everyone would tell him whatever they knew about Tieria because they looked so similar that psychologically there was no breach in privacy. The subject of privacy and particularly Tieria’s was not one Regene wanted to dwell upon presently, though.

“You mean on their free time?”

Regene had to be careful to craft his questions as unobtrusively as possible. Being too obvious would probably not be adequate but being too vague would not elicit shy girls to reveal anything useful.

“Yes. They used to stay on the island between battles. Just the two of them.”

So she knew. Regene did not have to ask, it seemed very clear. His guess was that the human girl was as helplessly caught up in what Regene was coming to see as the “Lockon Stratos curse” as Tieria. He did a rapid check to see if they would remain undisturbed. Feldt had selected a corner and he could see the corridor so that no one would sneak on him, namely Tieria. Regene was pretty sure that Tieria would remain sulking and being miserable for at least a few more hours but he was not about to take any chances.

“Could we go somewhere where we can sit? Instead of standing like this.”

“Oh, sure. This way.”

Feldt ended up leading Regene to her room and offered him a seat. He studied the mostly empty chamber with a rapid glance. Regene wondered if there was also a hidden picture with the human in it, probably happily cavorting with the girl. For a split second he imagined how it would be to find such an item and hand it to Tieria, triumphantly enough. Would it shatter Tieria’s illusions forever, one could always hope. A sharp moment of pain was preferable to a whole existence of suffering. And Regene wanted to show Tieria the error of his ways. The ends very often justified the means.

“Did Neil ever talk to you about Tieria?”

It was a long shot. Feldt took a while to reply.

“He told me that Tieria was his boyfriend.”

Regene was quite surprised. He had assumed that the status of this relationship was something of an open secret that everyone knew because behavior gave it away but not because they had been informed. Surely, Tieria had no idea of this. Regene suspected that the girl had been more than a little disappointed.

This was all that Regene could learn from this human girl whose interest in machines was amusing. For what Regene knew she might have been stumbled on something very private but she would never tell Regene about it and all things considered there was no need. Regene decided that a reward was in order.

“Do you still want to know how a Veda link operates?”

As he spoke Regene activated his connection and set his eyes alit with a golden glow shaded with depths of red. It never failed to cause an impression and Feldt’s look of fascination was something Regene fully counted on. He would play his cards wisely and disclose just enough to be entertaining without being particularly useful.

“How can you do that? Humans can’t-”

“Humans can’t interact directly with a supercomputer? You are quite right on that account. Tieria and I are human/Veda interfaces equipped with an inbuilt biological circuit that conveys information, accelerating synaptic responses via quantum brainwaves.”

“You’re androids. As I thought. But you’re absolutely perfect in terms of craftsmanship.”

Regene wondered if she was about to pull out a wrench and use it on him.

“You could put it that way.”

Regene doubted that this girl would approach this subject with Tieria. Or any other subject, for that matter.

“Are you going to reinstate Tieria’s Veda link? He’s been without it for a long time but…”

Regene let her trail off. The possibility had occurred to him but it was not a thing that concerned human girls, no matter how geeky or into technology they may be.

“Perhaps. Perhaps I will.”  
  
_I_

“You are a civilian. To use weapons against a civilian is a war crime even if no actual violence is committed. As an operative my actions cannot be excused.”

Tieria spoke calmly, with well calibrated words and looked Regene in the eye. He was ashamed of his outburst that only confirmed that nothing good came from letting his emotions dominate him. It only reduced him to a confused mess that was bound to failure. Regene watched him soberly enough.

“Apologizes accepted.”

Tieria could not leave it at that. Once his intellectual side caught up with him he could not help but let it torment him, imposing a punishment proportional to the offense. In this case that entailed facing Regene when he would rather avoid contact.

“You can report this incident. I’ll be court marshaled and probably expelled from the organization. Given Celestial Being’s strict policy regarding civilian security I may be executed.”

_And that may not even be such a bad idea._

This defeatist attitude was a recurring malady that he could not seem to shake off.

“Report it? There’s no need for that.”

“It is a right you’re entitled to-”

“Do you like pink?”

Tieria blinked. He was completely at a loss and Regene smiled warmly at his confusion.

“What…?”

“I’ve been wondering. You have a lot of pink cardigans. So I guess you’re fond of pink?”

Tieria had not the faintest idea of where this was going. It seemed so random and yet so typically Regene that he found himself smiling against his will.

“Oh, not really. I bought them in bulk the first time I was on Earth. They were on sale and I wanted to stay within the budget as much as possible. I did not know that gender conventions also applied to color schemes.”

Tieria had no idea as to why some colors were deemed masculine while others were feminine. The selection seemed so utterly arbitrary that he could not understand why humans in general seemed to know it intuitively. It was a code that went beyond his computing skills and one to which he could not apply his ability to process data almost instantaneously.

“I think you look pretty in pink. It goes well with your purple hair.”

Regene’s bemused breeziness made Tieria uncertain as how to react. It was as if nothing had happened and Tieria felt as if he was eschewing his responsibility.

“I don’t wear them anymore. We have uniforms now. They’re much more practical even if the jacket is too short.”

Tieria was not precisely sure why he had kept the cardigans in all their woolen pink glory. Sentimental value was the only explanation.

“Tell you what, Tieria. Why don’t you wear a cardigan for a while? I’ll wear one too. We can match.”

It was a strange idea, the point of which was lost to Tieria.

“Why? Anyway, I will get the forms in case you want to report-”

“Don’t bother with that. If you want to make it up to me, Tieria…you will wear one of those cardigans…and nothing else.”

Somehow Regene had bridged the gap between them and was now almost whispering into his ear. His voice keyed to a tone Tieria recognized very well. A low and deliberately seductive lilt that drew him in expertly enough.

“That’s a strange request.”

“Do you think so? I guess you'll have to indulge me on this one.”


	5. Chapter 5

_I/Other_  


The next day Regene gingerly discarded his clothes and put on a very pink, very soft, very non-fashion forward cardigan and handed one to Tieria who took it with some distress. This was most definitely a bad idea but there was no backing out now. So Tieria put on the cardigan and nothing else. Regene produced a camera and snapped a picture, smiling wickedly.  


“Now I can immortalize this moment.”   


Tieria was not exactly sure of how to react. He was glad that the cardigan was long enough to cover him and he made sure to button it up. Regene’s smirk grew wider. He kept his cardigan casually unbuttoned and did not care that it revealed his chest. The only way of wearing granny outfits was like this.  


“Tell you what, Regene. Why don’t you straighten your hair and I take a picture? Then you can pretend that it’s me.”  


It seemed like a good idea to Tieria. A logical solution for a very illogical situation. Regene tsked and shook his head.   


“That’s not playing fair, Tieria. It just wouldn’t be the same.”   


“But we look just the same, you wouldn’t even notice a difference.”   


Tieria was pretty sure that Regene would never show the embarrassed expression that he was sure he was exhibiting now. Regene pushed Tieria on bed, flat on his back. He had let Tieria steer things when the mood shifted into intimacy but Regene had decided that a change of pace was in order. Taking the reins.   


“That’s not the point. I want to have a picture of you in this cardigan.”   


Regene clambered on top of him and snapped another picture, this time capturing his shock on film. Tieria was not used to being stripped of control and it made him very unsure. Almost afraid.   


Regene enjoyed this fragility that did not abate as he unbuttoned Tieria. To Tieria it was borderline shocking to be taken like this, transmitting dominance over to Regene and allowing himself to be pleased even as his will wavered and imploded unto itself upon climax. Regene accepted this as a gift and his awareness was heightened by the rhythm that he was setting- fast, deep and timed to resonate with Tieria. Perfect harmony honed into sharp disclosure. Patterned into a warm afterglow that soothingly drew them on.  


Regene’s eyes sparkled widely in a mesh of golden red light and Tieria felt ensnared by it as their simultaneous orgasm swept them.   


The loss of contact that inevitably followed- withdrawing, severing- was akin to phantom pain. Regene wanted to prolong this feeling of bonds growing tighter and the deep kiss with which he sealed the deed reflected this. Tieria remained unresponsive to it. Already he could feel reason reassuring itself with all its pitfalls and relentlessly cruel reminders of consequences becoming drastic sequels. The wetness dripping from him as he shifted to a sitting position was all too familiar and he readily cleaned himself.   


Regene watched him do so and scooped Tieria’s release from his belly, licking his fingers. It was still warm and Tieria shivered at the sight of Regene thoughtfully tasting it.  


Tieria got up and got dressed under Regene’s steady gaze. It bothered him that Regene could study him so curiously while remaining naked if not for the cardigan. He made as if to leave.  


“I’ve got to go now.”  


“Running away, Tieria?”   


If there was one thing that Regene profoundly hated was this ability of Tieria’s to avoid emotional confrontations. It was ironic when he knew him to be capable of throwing himself into the heat of battle without as much as a second thought.   


“I’ve got work to do.”   


“Pressing matters that cannot possibly wait, I gather.”  


Tieria could feel the pained mockery in Regene’s words. He was silent for a bit.   


“Your eyes- the way they changed…it’s not normal.”   


Regene crossed his arms.   


“Who decided that, you?”  


“It’s obvious.”  


Tieria wanted to tell Regene that it was terrifying but he did not know how to say it.   


“I have a Veda connection. And I can restore yours.”

 

 

Tieria replied with heavy silence. Many things ran through his mind at the same time and struggled to be acknowledged. Desire, fear, reluctance. And all along he could feel Regene’s insistent gaze on him. Judging him.   


“I don’t need it. Neil wouldn’t want me to-”  


“I did not ask what a dead human wants you to do. What I want to know is whether you want it.”   


Regene was very aware of the tension building. This was a crucial moment that could upset this already delicate emotional balance between the two of them.   


“You don’t understand. I don’t need a Veda connection.”  


Tieria was confused by conflicting needs, it felt like being torn in opposing directions and he became aware of how much he missed Neil, as much as he missed his link that had deprived him of a sense of being part of something larger than himself.   


“Very well. If that is how you feel.”   


Regene could see that he was divided and second guessing himself. That seemed to be Tieria’s downfall in all things, this inability to get over the crippling attachments that brought him down. Regene decided to let it go for the time being.   


Tieria’s plans of returning to work were apparently abandoned. He remembered the feeling of merging with Veda, so much like sex with Regene in the way it completely absorbed him.   


“I don’t want to talk about it. Veda is no longer a part of my life.”  


Regene could feel Tieria’s distress. He wanted to reach out to him but Tieria would simply recoil into the defenses he kept around him almost at all times.   


“It must have been difficult to have your Veda access denied.”  


Tieria nodded, sadly. He could not put into words how it had demolished his direction in life, how it had undermined his trust on everything. Neil had become his compass and it was with that in mind that he straightened his back and zeroed in on Regene.   


“I don’t need Veda. I’m not an Innovator, I’m human.”   


Tieria never employed the term ‘Innovator’. Regene knew it amounted to a taboo word for him, a symbol for all the things Tieria was so desperately trying to deny. Unable to accept his true nature.   


“Human, you say. Why is that?”   


“Because Neil made me so.”  


There was no hesitation on Tieria’s part. It was Regene’s turn to be silent.   


“I see. So what am I to you?”   


“I- I don’t know.”  


It was a terrible lame answer and Tieria knew it. But it was the only one he had to offer.   


“And this human? What was he to you?”  


Tieria flinched at the past tense. He knew all too well that Neil was gone, there was not a day he was not painfully reminded of his absence in one or another but there were small details that reopened the wound anew. Neil had taught him so much, little things that he would never have been able to appreciate otherwise like the way dawn broke over the sea by their tropical island or how bird songs could be pleasant if you took a moment to listen to it.

 

“You wouldn’t understand.”

  
Regene’s eyes were very sharp as he forced Tieria to face him.   


“Why not? Because I can’t understand feelings?”   


“I can’t say. After all _you’re_ an Innovator.”   


Tieria meant it as an insult even if he regretted it almost immediately.   


“Yes, I am. Should I be ashamed of who I am like you are?”   


Regene decided that he would not spare Tieria.   


“I’m a person. A human person.”   


Regene tilted his head to the side.   


“Are you trying to convince me or yourself, Tieria?”   


Tieria started in shocked dismay.   


“Stop playing mind games with me.”   


“So you can’t even answer me that.”   


Regene had to push Tieria. Or else nothing would change.   


“I just don’t want to talk about it.”  


“You’re afraid, aren’t you?”  


Tieria was startled at this. So much that he hardly knew what to say.  


“Are you implying I’m a coward? I’m a soldier, a Gundam Meister and-”  


“And you’re terrified of rejection. Why else won’t you tell your teammates about who you really are?”  


Tieria paced up and down. Trying to deal with the disturbance that was like a physical weight revolving in his chest.  


“That does not concern you.”  


“You’re afraid they’ll toss you aside.”

 

  
“I’m a person. That is how they know me and that’s how I want to keep things.”  


Regene jumped out of bed.   


“You’re a liar. If you need this fabled humanity to believe in yourself then you really are pitiful.”   


Tieria’s pent up anger caught up with him.  


“What gives you the right to judge me?”  


“Right back at you, Tieria. Don’t you look down on me for my being content as an Innovator?”  


Tieria looked away almost flinching.  


“It’s not like that- Neil would’ve-”  


“What, Tieria? He would do what? Help you?”  


“Yes! Neil would help me- even though it was because of me that he got killed!”  


It was the first time he had actually said this. The words left his mouth without his wanting and Tieria was horrified at himself, for exposing such a wound like this. A swirl of emotions choked him and he could only stand there, his head bowed, clenching his hands into fists. Regene studied this image of guilt with something like detachment. He understood the need to act as a counterbalance to Tieria’s blow out.   


“That is simply how you want to think about it. The one responsible for Lockon Stratos’ death was himself. But you don’t want to deal with the fact that he chose his own personal vendetta over you.”   


Regene could see Tieria growing visibly paler before his very eyes.   


“What do you know-”  


“I watched the video feed. Do you believe that he loved you?”  


Tieria took a staggering step backwards. He hated that he was spinning out of control and grasping at motives to justify the blind pain that encroached on Regene’s words. The mere possibility that he could be right sent Tieria reeling. Regene watched him cringe and falter. He had to steel himself to endure such a pathetic spectacle without it affecting him too much.   


“That’s none of your business.”  


“If he really cared for you he wouldn’t have dashed to his death, he would have stayed alive for your sake.”  


Tieria shook his head vigorously. To Regene it felt like a desperate attempt at denying the evident.   


“He saved me. He got hit because of me, because I didn’t react fast enough.”   


Regene stared straight at Tieria. Forcing him to acknowledge this very moment, this here and now that should not be sacrificed to the past.   


“Lockon Stratos preserved one of the members of the team. It simply happened to be you.”   


Regene had switched denomination deliberately. Codenames served to remind Tieria of the reality as Regene perceived it. But Tieria was not prepared to accept it. Not when every fiber of his being revolted against it.   


“That doesn’t matter. I failed- I froze mid-battle and didn’t accomplish my role as a Meister. I was unfit-”  


The explosion of pain that shattered his jaw was such a surprise that it nearly knocked down Tieria. Not all the military training in the world could have prepared him for a punch like this punch, not when he expected Regene to never go beyond a hard slap.   


“Do not say such things about yourself in my presence.”   


They stood in a stalemate. Regene’s cold anger dwindled into sorrow as Tieria wiped a trickle of blood off the corner of his mouth. A curtain of purple hair hid Tieria’s face, making it impossible for Regene to read him.   


“Is it alright for you to insult me and all that hold dear?”  


Regene would rather match Tieria’s chaotic rage with his own purposeful indignation but he was taken aback by the broken tone in his voice nor the hurt in the red eyes that he now lifted.   


“I just want you to achieve your full potential, Tieria. You deserve to be happy.”  


Regene’s fingers brushed the remaining blood in a semi caress. Tieria did not shy away, a sinking feeling of empty apathy was descending upon him. It would not leave a bruise, Regene decided. Tieria’s body enhancements would regenerate this wound. If only the damage in his heart could be so easily healed, Regene thought and his sorrow deepened.   


“‘My full potential’, Regene? I do not know what that is. These last years I have been trying to make decisions on my own and make Neil proud. That’s all I can do.”  


Regene preferred Tieria to scream at him. This sad eloquence that bordered on humility was simply unbearable.   


“I’m sorry that I hit you.”   


“It just makes us even.”

 

 

Tieria was almost grateful for the physical pain. Emotional numbness was setting in and Tieria gave into it. At times it was so much better not to feel anything.   


“I can’t let you get overwhelmed by your misery to the point you do not even know who you are.”  


Tieria sat in bed, half slumped in a broken attitude. Regene caressed his cheek and kissed it lightly. This bundled up mix of aggression and affection was very difficult to unravel into so many threads that could be arranged in a sane pattern. Regene knew that Tieria understood pain very well. Even the most basic kind, raw physical suffering, was a form of communication that got through to him.   


“At times I wonder, why are there two of us? One should be enough to perform tasks according to the plan. The other is simply…redundant.”   


Tieria never could perceive the existence of the Innovators and by extension his own without it being tied with being instrumental to achieve something. Cogs to a great system that should not admit for needless duplications. Creatures subordinated to function.   


Regene watched him carefully. It was clear that Tieria meant himself and for a split second Regene was not sure if it was a provocation, an attempt at piling more suffering on himself as Tieria so often did. But he could tell it was not so, Tieria had simply reached a stage of very forlorn honesty.   


“You’re not a failed experiment, if that’s what you’re implying.”  


He nodded but it was a mere reaction.   


“If you exist then why am I here?”  


The logical part of Tieria’s mind informed him that he was likely to be a glitch of sorts. Regene watched him very closely. Here was an issue rooted on Tieria’s very notion of identity. Regene played a part in it but one that seemed to pry into Tieria’s weaknesses more than anything. Unintentionally so.   


“Why shouldn’t you be? I always wanted to meet you.”   


Tieria smiled very wanly and with visible effort.   


“And then you were terribly disappointed.”  


“Not disappointed. I simply cannot stand the way you insist on harming yourself.”   


Tieria closed his eyes. In his mind he could hear Neil shouting his name as he blocked the shot that should have hit him. Sending unprecedented shockwaves. He wiped the stream of tears hurriedly and tried to face Regene with dry eyes, needing to show a strong front even if it was for his own sake only. Regene’s ability to read him and see through him was simply uncanny and Tieria explained it as a consequence of their identical DNA mapping and the mental connection that brought them in this closeness but all that seemed small when he felt himself like a non-encrypted file.   


“I hate it when I cry like this. Why do we have to be equipped with the ability to cry, anyway. It serves no purpose.”   


The feeling of tears had been utterly alien at first, in the solitude of his cockpit, and it had triggered the suspicion that he was flawed, that Tieria Erde was fundamentally insufficient at the most elemental level. Perhaps Regene was a protocol to correct the corrupt one that was Tieria.   


“Not everything has to have a clear cut purpose.”   


Tieria almost winced.   


“That’s something that Neil would say. But how can you think like that? When you’re-”  


“-a machine?”   


Regene knew that pushing Tieria any further would backfire with disastrous results. He could tell by the way he was past hostility but still not ready for full disclosure. Furtive ambiguity. And in the change of subject that followed.   


“I don’t understand you at all. You just seem to do whatever you want no matter what.”  


Tieria thought about it. Regene was the one who took walks in space without a helmet, he was the one chose to search for him, who was at peace with himself, who could fully enjoy their afterglow without a hint of regret. Tieria wanted to say all this but he held his silence.  


“I have no need to justify myself before others. I follow my own will and that was what brought me here.”  


Regene spoke naturally with the same self-assurance that was so typical to him. He answered to no one. But Tieria had the power to cause him much pain. Not so much by lashing out but by omission and by self-sabotage.

 

  
Never had Tieria uttered a word about loving him. Despite everything- moments that Regene treasured dearly, those personal epiphanies revealed in union of flesh- Tieria said nothing about his emotions toward him. Questioning him directly had proved as fruitless as Regene had feared.  


In the end, Tieria’s heart only belonged to one person and that was a dead human that haunted him.  
  
  
_Other_  


And in the end it was Tieria’s attachment to a ghost that Regene had to sever.  


Regene was beginning to realize how hard a task this was. He stepped under the shower and let the warm water patter his skin. As Regene fully expected Tieria was avoiding him. Not in the inflexible and deliberate way of his but covertly, discretely. Carefully maneuvering as to keep interaction to a minimum. There was no overt quality to it. Tieria did not dash out when Regene was present, in fact he was more friendly than usual. But this contact was now always done through the interference of others. Tieria made sure that he did not meet Regene without the human crew, clearly using them as obstacles between the two. Minimizing any potential future impact.   


Regene wondered if Tieria was using a kind of military tactic in the form of distractions that he employed to widen the distance. There was a new cautious attitude to Tieria and Regene could almost see him drawing invisible lines and staying behind them. He did not grow cold, not precisely, but his defenses were back in full force- not as unyielding shields but as cleverly calculated barriers that shifted just enough to keep the core of his personality unscathed.   
Regene saw it as Tieria employing his intelligence in the worst possible way. There was no chance of having a serious conversation and staying in different sleeping quarters kept any intimate situation from arising and so Tieria was able to find a way of escaping confrontation.   
The water cascaded over Regene’s body and the muffling sound of the shower was echoed and rebounded. Still, Regene knew that he was not alone the moment that someone stepped into a stall.   


“So, which one are you?”  


Regene did not bother turning back. Lyle crossed his arms and watched a wet white back that stood under the flow of hot water.   


“You’re not freaking out so I guess you’re not Tieria. You’ve got to be the other one. Regene, I think?”   


It took Regene some time to reply. Merely because he did not want to appear to be bothered by the human. Which he wasn’t. Regene knew full well that being in control was as much a state of mind as the ability to properly convey it.   


“I am Regene, yes.”   


“Yeah, I figured. So you’re a guy as well.”   


Regene proceeded to pour liquid soap over himself. His self-possession became non-self- consciousness. He was perfectly comfortable with being naked like this. After all, human conventions but merely that and need not apply to Regene Regetta.   


“You seem to be a very observant individual.”   


Lyle laughed.  


“Wow, snarky. I like that. So…I’ve been wondering, do you know why Tieria seems to hate my guts?”   


Regene finally turned around. Identical twins often shared personality traits as well as genetic ones but in this case the point was moot. Regene knew that even if Lyle was the most accomplished human ever born, no matter what qualities he might have to him, Tieria could only find him amiss. To Tieria, Lyle was bound to bring to his memory Neil and by default the living twin could only lose by this comparison.  


“I do not know.”  


_And you better not ask him._   


“I bet you know but you’re not telling. I’m cool with that. I got a feeling my brother had something to do with it but no one’s telling me anything.”   


Regene turned off the water and stood but a step away from Lyle. It was interesting to see the human stare at him, clearly enjoying the sight. Regene wondered just why he was here since he showed no intention of showering and still wore his flightsuit. His study of the man’s features was disinterested and clinical.   


“Do step out of the way.”  


“Sure.”  


Lyle made a florid and exaggerated bow as Regene stepped out of the shower and wrapped himself in a towel. He hoped that the human would not make the grave mistake of actually touching him. Humans did not touch Regene Regetta. Ever.

 

 

Lyle tried to brush some of the water off soaked purple hair but Regene gracefully stepped out of his range.   


“You really are very different. Not like Tieria, I mean. He’d be screaming holy murder and having me reported by now.”   


Regene put a towel around his shoulder and contemplated the human serenely.   


“I see no point in reports. And I am not a member of this organization.”   


“Oh yeah, that’s right. You’re a civilian. Interesting. By the way, I’m Lyle Dylandy. The whole codename is silly anyway.”   


In this Regene had to agree.   


“So I have heard.”   


“Kinda sucks having a double around, huh. You know, everyone thinks you’re Tieria take two but I think they’re wrong. Sure you look alike but that’s about it.”  


Regene could have told him that any analogies between human twins and himself and Tieria were imperfect at best. But there was no point in doing so. The belief in a common ground encouraged humans to disclose information.  


“How would you know that? You never spoke to me before.”  


“True. But hey, you’re standing there in your birthday suit, casually chatting. Tieria wouldn’t do that if his life depended on it.”   


Lyle took the opportunity to rove his eyes over this perfect wet body.   


“Tieria is Tieria. I am myself.”   


Lyle chuckled.   


“Heh, sure seems like it. So you’ll be sticking around for long?”  


“Perhaps.”   


Regene took his time drying himself. The duration of his stay aboard the ship depended more on Tieria than anything else. Ideally, Regene would stay by Tieria’s side come what may but clearly their idea of what being together was meant very different things.  


“You should stick around. But I got to warn you, the crew here is not what you’d call agreeable. But that’s all good, after all I’m part of the team now.”   


Regene proceeded to towel his hair. Purple curls began to take shape again.  


“I gather that you are a late acquisition to the team?”   


Regene knew full well that it was so but he did not want reveal just how much he did know.   


“Yeah. I’m the new kid on the block and they all expect me to be like my brother. So I feel your pain.”   


Regene wondered very briefly how things would have gone if Lyle were more like his twin. It seemed clear to him that these siblings were not alike. Had it been otherwise then there was a chance that Tieria would replace one for the other, not so much as an exchange as a superimposition. Regene was glad that had not happened. As it was Tieria seemed to have demonized Lyle. Conversely, what Regene dubbed ‘Neil worship’ had probably been heightened and blown even more out of proportion since Lyle’s advent.   


“Do you now.”  


Regene put on his glasses and soberly contemplated him.  


“There’s something about you. I can’t really say what it is but I really want to find out.”  


Lyle leaned closer, virtually cornering Regene against the wall. Regene smiled neutrally and prepared to snap his spine if necessary. Tieria might even thank him.   


“I would advise you not to take me at face value.”   


Lyle made a move to touch him. Regene caught a glimpse of purple from over his shoulder and made a rapid decision. He reached for the human and drew him into a kiss. It was time to completely shake Tieria out of his comfort zone.   
  
_I_  


It was the very last thing Tieria ever expected to see and it nailed his feet to the floor. Regene was naked, kissing Lyle and for a split second Tieria thought that this was how he would look when with he was with Neil. The sharp stab of pain that followed immediately was as confusing as it was horrible. Tieria stood tottering in complete shock unable and then spun on his heels and ran out.   


Unaware of nothing other the inner turmoil that made his step unsteady.   
  
_Other_  


As soon as Tieria was gone Regene broke the kiss and pushed Lyle away. Roughly enough.   


“Hey, hey, don’t get feisty on me now. We were getting along just fine.”   


The human tried to a get a hold him but Regene easily dodged his advances and returned to the shower. Regene felt the need to get clean all over again. Lyle turned off the water, placing his hand over Regene’s shoulder and breathing into his ear.   


“You should back off right now, Lockon Stratos.”

 

Lyle tried to wrap an arm around his waist and Regene kept his flawless cool. He disliked direct human contact as much as ever.   


“Man, drop the codename. Let’s just go to my room now…no need to get dressed.”  


“Should I call you by your original codename, then? Gene One.”  


As Regene expected, the human’s hand was gone immediately. To his credit he still managed to give him a half convincing smile as Regene turned around.   


“What are you talking about?”   


Regene gave up on this project of showering again and walked out of the stall. The human followed him again but this time around there was a different kind of attention in the way he kept track of Regene’s every movement.  


“I doubt that you would like me to go into details. Let us just say that I know just how questionable your loyalty to this organization is.”   


Regene slipped into his clothes and observed the human. For the first time he could see that this was indeed a soldier and a cunning one at that.   


“Just what exactly are you?”   


“I am who I am.”   


As far as Regene was concerned that was all he needed to say. Tieria might discriminate in the way he placed a Dylandy sibling on a pedestal that Regene knew was a fabrication but Regene was highly diplomatic and disliked both brothers equally.   


“You’ve got a load of secrets of your own.”   


Regene smiled.   


“None of which you know.”   


Lyle whistled.   


“I was right, you’re not like Tieria. He’s all bark but no bite, you’re a sly and dangerous one. With that said, feel free to drop by my room.”   


Regene’s smile grew wider.   


“I decline your offer.”   


As Regene left he could see from the corner of his eye that the human had grown serious and preoccupied. Regene adjusted his opinion, this Dylandy brother was far from matching the criteria for what constituted an individual worth his time but he rated higher than the dead Dylandy in Regene’s esteem.   


Not that it mattered much in the long run.   


No body can remain inert if a sufficient amount of impact is applied to it. Now it was a matter of seeing if Tieria had been forced into realization. Regene made his way to his room and decided to wait yet again.

 

 _I_  


It had been like facing a mirror from the past suddenly put in front of him. At the same time there were disturbances that shattered the reflection. It was not himself and Neil who were at stake but Regene and Lyle. Tieria ran down a corridor, then another, randomly wandering. He needed physical movement to sustain the chaos in his heart and mind.   


Tieria was confounded to the point he did not understand his own visceral disgust. He felt betrayed but to admit that was to accept that Regene and himself were more than just friends but lovers- an option that terrified him in more ways than one. It questioned everything and added an element of chaos to his existence. Tieria pushed these thoughts aside to keep them from clawing at his mind. Disrupting his already precarious emotional balance.   


He focused on all the reasons he had for hating Lyle Dylandy, which formed a highly organized list with bullet point items followed by an elaboration, but that could be boiled down a single one: Lyle was not Neil and as such he was unacceptable.   


Tieria knew that it was illogical to put things in these terms but that did not keep him from becoming entangled in a quagmire of emotions that pointed to how undeserving Lyle was. Undeserving of being alive when Neil was dead. There had been times when Tieria deliberately compared the two Dylandys and the conclusion he reached never changed.  
Tieria now turned all of his attention to this bottled up grim hatred. Anger could be very liberating and almost empowering. He told himself that it was this profound dislike for Lyle that caused this crisis he was experiencing- and surely not jealousy and surely not because he wanted to keep Regene all to himself as lovers would.   


_We’re friends, that's all. Even if we do…things we shouldn’t, at times- we’re still friends, Regene and I. And Lyle's a pathetic excuse for a human being, that’s why I don’t like this- can’t accept this- won’t accept this._  


As this riot of thoughts gained consistency from sheer reiteration Tieria lost track that he was lying to himself. He decided that to do his very best to set things right.


	6. Chapter 6

_I/Other_  


Tieria took a deep breath and knocked.   


“Regene? It’s me, Tieria.”   


“Come in. The door’s not locked.”  


Tieria frowned as he obeyed. Regulations stated that doors should be kept locked, it was proper procedure. He found Regene sitting cross legged in bed reading a book. But he hardly noticed such details, the one thing that immediately arrested his attention was the aqua marine nightgown that Regene wore, one sleeve sliding down the shoulder as he casually turned a page.   


“Where did you find that- that outfit?”   


Regene kept his eyes on the book. It was not an interesting book by any means, in fact it was quite dreary and orientated to human tastes but Regene wanted to make sure that Tieriaed earned his undivided attention instead of simply taking it for granted. So he replied neutrally enough,  


“I borrowed it from Feldt.”   


Tieria was too shocked to keep the façade of no nonsense he was so fond of and stood gaping for a while before gathering his bearings. Regene suppressed a snarky smile. It was difficult.   


“But you’re not female…”  


The idea of Regene meeting Feldt was already strange but this was taking it to a whole new level that confused Tieria extremely. Regene finally looked up from the very dull book, adjusted his glasses and the skirt of the flimsy nightgown. Tieria found himself staring but more because he was stunned than anything else. His whole plan was to explain issues to Regene but for the moment he was too dumbfounded.  


“Genetically speaking I am male, yes. But gender is a societal construction and it does not apply to me.”   


Tieria opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again and only at length did he speak.  


“But you’re not a girl.”  


At times like these Regene wondered if Tieria’s intellect was subjected to random intermissions, very much like an electrical circuit that would hiccup at intervals. Brilliant as long as it worked yet stumped by very small obstacles.   


Regene simply shrugged.   


“This is more comfortable than the constricting sleepwear the crew wears. You should try it.”   


It suddenly occurred to Tieria that Regene was not wearing underwear. It was something he did not want to think about so he ended up adding, rather lamely,   


“But I’m not a girl.”   


Regene wondered if Tieria had more self-evident and useless data to deliver in that matter of

fact way of his. Regene shrugged.   


“You had no problems dressing up as a female at that A-Laws party. And you pulled it off marvelously, too.”  


Regene had to smile at Tieria’s naked surprise. It did make him look absolutely cute in a very clueless way. Tieria jumped.  


“You were there…?”  


“I was. That was a really sexy dress. Every human male was drooling at you. Quite a few females too, I believe.”  


Tieria blinked a few times. He had no idea that Regene had witnessed the party and it was a thought that made him exceedingly uncomfortable.   


“Oh, that was different. I mean, it was for the mission. The objective was to gather information, which I did, and for that playing on my androgyny was the best option.”  


Tieria abided to human genre roles without quite understanding them, he was very much aware of this. His lack of knowledge was clear in his having chosen pink cardigans but it also made it easier for him to assume a role of the opposite gender with much flexibility.   


“Indeed. And my objective was to be comfortable which I achieved via this very airy outfit that just happens to be made for females.”   


Regene was very aware of the sarcasm inherent to twisting Tieria’s logic like this but Tieria had other things on his mind and completely missed it.   


“At the party- I didn’t see you, what were you wearing?”   


It was Regene’s time to blink in confusion.   


“A tuxedo with a white bowtie. Why do you ask?”  


Tieria fumbled a bit. He half expected Regene to be prancing in a very risqué dress and that made him redirect his thoughts as much as he could but Regene in a formal male outfit was also distressing. Tieria did not want to imagine how he would look in a tuxedo. Regene studied him closely, guessing some of this in his hesitation. He wondered just how Tieria would reply.   


“I just wanted to know if you were also wearing a dress or something to that effect…”

  
Tieria was very aware that he had completely strayed from his original goal but he was too shaken now to bring the discussion to a topic that required him to be at his most collected.  


“Speaking of dresses, do you still have that crimson one around?”   


“I think so, I don’t really know.”  


Regene jumped out of bed and took him by the arm.   


“Let’s find out.”   


Tieria was still trying to process this as Regene dragged him out of the room.  


“You can’t walk around like this!”   


Regene did not bother to keep the short nightgown from floating upwards in the low gravity which caused Tieria to become even more distressed.   


“Now, who would know about it?”   


Tieria looked around very nervously. No one was supposed to walk around the ship with nothing but a flimsy sleeping gown on, Tieria was quite sure that regulations stated as much but he could not precisely recall the article at the moment.   


“Miss Sumeragi, I suppose- it was her idea in the first place. But you can’t go out wearing that!”   


Regene was already floating toward the captain’s room much to Tieria’s absolute dismay.  


“Wait! At least put this on.”   


Tieria removed his short purple jacket and placed it on Regene.   


“I don’t really like this uniform.”   


And with this Regene arrived at his destination and knocked at Sumeragi’s door.  


“Come in, it’s not locked.”   


Regene opened the door and walked into her room. Tieria followed in an attempt to do some damage control.   


Sumeragi was very visibly surprised at the sight.  


“Tieria…?”   


Tieria jumped in front of Regene.   


“I’m Tieria, that’s Regene.”   


The last thing Tieria wanted was for his direct hierarchical superior to think he would barge into room in this bizarre outfit. Regene paid no attention to this. It was hardly his fault that some humans could not perceive the very obvious. Sumeragi made a mental note not to drink late at night, this was already a strange event and it would become even more so if she were to be seeing double. Which, in a way, she already was.   


“Tieria was telling me about a dress he wore. I want to see it.”   


It was a small lie but Tieria was already anxious about Regene’s role and there was no point in making that any more difficult.  


“The red one? I have it here.”   


Tieria entertained the hope that it had been destroyed or lost but apparently it was not to so. Miss Sumeragi produced the slinky crimson dress from a closet. Regene smiled gleefully and took it from her, turning in a swirling circle to face a gaping Tieria that wanted to disappear.   


“It’s as pretty as you described.”   


Without further ago Regene ditched the jacket and the nightgown in one fluid movement.

Tieria could feel himself blushing intensely and was at least glad to realize that Regene had kept in mind to wear underwear. Regene put on the dress and checked the mirror in the closet door to see how it fit. Sumeragi did not know whether to be amused or sorry for Tieria’s extreme embarrassment.   


“Regene, you’ve tried it already…now take it out so we can go. I am sorry for the inconvenience, it is highly unorthodox-”  


“I don’t like these.”   


Regene removed the fake breasts and turned some more in front of the mirror. Tieria was about to make another entreaty but Regene cut him short.  


“What do you think, Tieria?”   


Tieria hardly knew what to say. He wished the slit did not ride that high so that he would not find himself staring at a large portion of white leg and thigh. Sumeragi coughed to hide a smile. Tieria did not notice. She decided to try something.  


“Would you like to try on the lingerie as well?”   


Tieria was beyond shocked.  


“Miss Sumeragi!”

  
Regene brightened up.  


“Great idea!”   


“This is not at all a good idea-”  


Tieria choked on his words as Sumeragi handed Regene a pair of black panties, stockings and garters. Regene proceeded to discard his boxers, they were boring anyway, and slipped into silky underwear. Tieria was at a complete loss for words.

 

 “So what do you think, Tieria? How do I look?”  


Tieria looked away, forced himself to face Regene and after some floundering said,  


“You’re taller than me in those shoes.”   


Tieria regretted his words the moment he uttered them and Regene rolling his eyes only confirmed that his reply was, as usual, quite inept.   


“That’s not what I asked.”   


Regene had to smile as Tieria struggled to think about what to say next. For a while Tieria only studied Regene in silence, taking account of every detail from the way the silk adhered to his body, parting in an inviting slit that snaked almost to the hip, to the transparency covering his neck and the slyness that added something sultry to the smirk. Tieria was not particularly good expressing himself outside of mission affairs and this was made more evident whenever Regene pushed him into this kind of uncertain situation.  


“You look nice.”   


“‘Nice’? Just ‘nice’? That is so dull.”   


Regene crossed his arms in mock annoyance. Tieria glanced at Miss Sumeragi, now would be a wonderful time for her to order him to do something, anything, so that he could leave this place and let go of this awkwardness. Unfortunately- or not- Sumeragi seemed to be having fun. Almost as much as Regene.   


“Really nice?”   


Regene sighed emphatically.   


“Are you asking or stating?”   


Tieria had no idea. What he did know was that he could tell Regene that he looked highly enticing and that he was almost glad for Sumeragi’s presence lest he end up doing something that he would regret. Then again Tieria was quite sure that Regene was all too aware of this already.   


“You look pretty. Very pretty.”   


Regene adjusted his glasses so that the light would bounce off the lenses and make them shine. It never failed to disturb Tieria in a highly irrational way and that was precisely why Regene often did it.   


“Tieria, what did you think you looked like in this dress?”   


He considered this abstractly.   


“I hardly know. It was deemed that my looks could be enhanced to serve the mission’s objective so I acted accordingly.”   


Regene could never get past the idea that this mentality of Tieria was akin to that of sheep and utterly contemptible. It was absurd and yet another proof of how Tieria imposed limitations on himself so that he could have some order and control in his life.   


“If it was decided that jumping off a cliff would serve ‘the plan’ I am quite sure you would do it.”   


Tieria nodded. Mission considerations often made him lose track of sarcasm even when it was blatant as it was now. Sumeragi remained silent, enjoying this so unexpected exchange.   


“I do not see how my jumping off a cliff would accomplish anything but I did have to jump off a window in that dress. The difficult part was landing on the heels.”   


Sumeragi could only keep herself from laughing by biting her tongue. Regene did not bother and did chuckle.  


“Oh Tieria, Tieria. You are actually serious.”   


Regene had greatly appreciated Tieria’s grand exit. It gave him hope that Tieria was capable of thinking outside the box and of acting on his own will. He seemed unwilling to do so, though.   


“This kind of shoe wear was not developed for that kind of activity.”  


“You don’t say.”  


Tieria had a tendency of stating the obvious.   


“High heel shoes have an aesthetical purpose, I believe. I do not understand it myself.”   


Regene took his hand without a warning.   


“Let’s go see what the others think.”  


Tieria blinked.  


“The others…?”   


For a split second Tieria was sure that Regene meant the Innovators.   


“The rest of the crew, of course. Talk to you later, Miss Commander Lady.”  


And with this Regene dragged Tieria out of the room, leaving Sumeragi to finally burst out laughing.

 

“Regene, you can’t address a hierarchical superior like that!”   


They had only taken a few steps and already Tieria was having problems with how the dress floated around Regene.   


“Why not? She’s not my superior, at any rate. I’m a civilian. Besides, you don’t think all _that_ highly of her skills as a tactical advisor. You could do a much better job at it and you know it.”   


Tieria took a handle and gaped as Regene gingerly sat on it.   


“That is beside the point. It does not matter how I feel about Miss Sumeragi, she remains the one I answer to as prescribed by the chain of command.”   


Regene shrugged and crossed a leg. Tieria averted his eyes almost immediately. Almost.   


“And you, as the dutiful soldier you are, have never brought her shortcomings to her attention, I’m sure.”   


Tieria did not like to think back about his early days about the Ptolomeios so he added, rather feebly,  


“That is also beside the point.”  


“Oh well, at least she has good taste in clothes. Look, it’s Tieria’s father-in- law. Hello.”   


Regene waved and smiled innocently enough at Ian whom he spotted at the end of the corridor. Ian was so stupefied that even Tieria found amusing.   


“Are you going on an undercover mission again…?”   


“That’s Regene, I’m Tieria.”   


Tieria was getting rather tired of having to repeat himself on this subject.   


“Is Regene going on an undercover mission, then?”   


Regene giggled happily and got off the handle.   


“I am just having fun. By the way, Mister Ian, I don’t know if you’re aware of this but that daughter of yours wants to marry Tieria.”  


Ian’s face turned to an ashen shade and Tieria had to intervene.   


“Regene, what are you talking about?! That is completely unfounded speculation.”   


Regene smiled nonchalantly.   


“Not at all true. She told me as much.”   


Tieria wondered if Regene would ever cease to turn his life into chaos in one way or another.   


“Erde-san, what exactly is your relationship with my daughter?”  


Tieria nearly groaned. At least he now had an idea where ‘Erde-san’ had come from. Which did not make this situation any less embarrassing.   


“I’m just her babysitter. It’s preposterous to think that I could be anything else to her.”  


At this point Linda appeared and Ian immediately hailed her.  


“Linda! Have you heard anything about this?! Mileina marrying Tieria?!”   


“As I have said, this is just a misconception. I assure you of that I have no such intentions toward your daughter.”   


Tieria did often state the self-evident but in this case he was not sure why he had to do so. He glanced at Regene to find him very grave and most likely having fun at his expense. Regene observed the humans with some curiosity.  


“Isn’t it sweet? Our daughter is growing up! She really likes Tieria. He’s so respectable and competent. And cute, too.”   


Linda winked and Tieria wondered if Regene caused others to become as insane as he was. That was the only explanation that occurred to him.   


“I never heard anything about this! I must have a word with you, Erde-san.”  


Tieria sighed.   


“I am simply her babysitter, that is all.”   


Linda ushered Ian away.   


“Don’t get so worked up, darling. Mileina is already fourteen, after all. It’s normal for teenage girls to have crushes.”  


“What do you mean ‘already’ fourteen?! She is _still_ fourteen! That Tieria is taking advantage

of my little girl!”   


The couple drifted away with Linda trying to assuage her husband’s wrath. Tieria watched them go before he turned to Regene.   


“Could you please have some consideration for my position as a Celestial Being operative? I know you’re having fun and that’s all you care about but try not to create unnecessary conflicts with the crew.”   


“I am sorry, Tieria.”   


“You don’t seem sorry. Why do you always-”  


“Yo! What do you know, Regene just became sex on legs.”  


Tieria flinched as Lyle floated into his field of vision. Here was the last individual Tieria wanted to meet. It reminded him of what he had seen between Regene and Lyle. Regene had to hand it to the human, after what had happened he sure had guts to be so carefree.

 

“That’s one hell of a dress. Would look really great in my bedroom floor.”   


The cheesy pickup line made Regene smile in amusement and Tieria churn. As far as Regene knew, Lyle’s timing was absolutely perfect. It was now a matter of seeing if Tieria would not disappoint him and step up as the brave soldier he was.   


Lyle eyed every curve that the liquid crimson fabric highlighted. Regene said nothing but merely smiled, even as Lyle offered his hand with faux gallantry.   


“Ditch Mister Gundam-is-serious-business and let’s get together.”  


Regene took the extended hand and rejoiced at Tieria’s frown.   


“How forward of you, Lyle Dylandy. I suppose you’re very sure of your skills?”  


Lyle pulled Regene along, using the low gravity as an ally. Tieria felt a sudden pang that he realized was jealousy but he was too dispirited to react accordingly.   


“Why do I think you’re not talking about my sniping.”   


“I’m sure you have many more attributes.”   


“Right you are, you sexy Purple Hair.”  


Tieria made a sudden decision as he saw Lyle put an arm around Regene’s slim waist.   


“Let go of him. Right now.”   


Lyle blinked in surprise and cupped Regene’s cheek.  


“What is it you, anyway. I’m not Neil, I have no obligation to you.”  


Regene knew that Lyle had just pushed a button he might regret pushing. Tieria gathered all of his resolve and when he replied his voice was keyed to convey his hostility and indignation. The calm in his words was very illusive and Regene was anticipating what was to come.   


“You’re not Neil, no. You’re not half the man your brother was.”   


Lyle chuckled distractedly.   


“You just say that because I don’t fuck you like he did. Bet you’d really like that.”  


Tieria clenched his hands into fists. There was something that bordered on relief to finally voice all the anger he had accumulated.   


“You look like Neil but all similitude ends there. And no, I wouldn’t let you ‘fuck me’ as you put it. Because you’re not him.”   


Regene had to admire Tieria’s dignity even though it was so misplaced.  


“What, only Neil Dylandy is special enough to touch the holy Tieria Erde? No wonder you’re so angry all the time. It’s got to be sexual frustration. How long has it been since your last lay, four years?”   


Tieria hesitated and hated himself for it.   


“That is none of your business.”   


Lyle laughed and turned to Regene.   


“Whatever, dude. Now, where were we…”   


Regene studied Tieria from the corner of his eye. That was the only way he could see him since Lyle was standing very close, close enough to kiss in fact. Regene could see, albeit only obliquely, that Tieria was hurting. It did not show but Regene could decipher his emotions with clarity.   


“It was not four years but a few days.”   


Lyle was not expecting this at all and neither was Tieria. They both turned to Regene who drifted toward Tieria. Lyle whistled as he noticed how Regene leaned on Tieria, the dress floating around the two in a wave of shimmering red.  


“You two? Going at it? That _is_ hot.”   


Tieria’s first reaction was sheer terror but Lyle’s jeer snapped him out of it immediately. If there was one thing that Tieria Erde would not accept it was being made a fool by Lyle, of all people. Not when Regene was clearly waiting for him to act. Tieria did so by pulling Regene with what bordered on possessiveness.   


“Do you have a problem with it?”   


Regene noticed the change in demeanor and attitude. Tieria smiled faintly in a dangerous way that Regene truly appreciated. It was miles away from Tieria’s fumbling and denial.  


“Nah. I’m cool with it. But aren’t you guys brothers or something?”   


Tieria was not disarmed.  


“What if we are? Regene and I are Regene and I, you stay out of it.”   


Regene smiled warmly. He had been hoping for such a stand on Tieria’s part for a long time.  


“I’m not one to judge. Doesn’t bother me one bit. Hell, me and Neil did some rolling around back in the day.”   


Tieria’s eyes widened just slightly. Not enough to at all express the painful shock he was going through. Lyle guessed this more than anything else and saw fit to explore it.   


“And in case you’re wondering, your precious Neil was not picky about positions. He’d take as well as receive. Great fun.”

 

Tieria clenched his hands into fists at this. He hated himself for this immediate reaction that he could not dismiss even though he tried to reel it in now. Lyle noticed enough of this to snicker and shake his head.   


“Yeah, really ruins this picture perfect idea you have of Neil, huh?”   


Tieria did not answer. Partially because he did not want Lyle to see just how upset he was but also because he did not trust himself to speak at the moment. Regene paid close attention to this. He squeezed Tieria’s hand, discretely getting him to tighten his hold around Regene’s waist. There was no point in being halfhearted about things.  


“What Neil did in the past- that doesn’t matter. And don’t try to rattle me, Lyle Dylandy."   


“That’s Lockon Stratos!”  


Lyle chimed in gleefully enough. Regene was the only one that noticed when Feldt appeared and he said nothing. This could become very interesting. The girl stood uncertainly enough, blinking at the dress as much as to the tense atmosphere she could sense. Apparently it was a Celestial Being attribute to be socially inept, Regene thought, because Feldt now saw fit to turn to Tieria and say,  


“Tieria, there are some bugs in this file. Could you help me fix it?”   


Lyle’s smile grew very charming and as he turned to Feldt Regene could feel as much as see her flinch.   


“What do you know, we’ve got the entire Church of Neil assembled here. Welcome, Pink Hair. I was just telling your fellow Neil-devotee about bro’s kinks. I still have some home videos with the two of us doing it-”  


“Just ignore him, Feldt. He’s just being a bastard.”   


“Well, I’m not lying. Drop by my room- you know where it is, it used to be dear bro’s room- speaking of which, I want a new bed. Thanks to Librarian lady Purple hair there the bunk is pretty much ruined. Then again that’s just the way Neil was, a real animal in bed.”   


Feldt was trembling by now and biting her lower lip. Regene focused his attention on Tieria who let go of him and moved toward the girl.   


“None of that matters. I know what Neil was to me and what you’re saying doesn’t change anything.”  


Lyle shrugged. Regene sympathized with the feeling.   


“Easy for you to say, hon. You’re not the one sleeping on a broken bunk every night.”   


Tieria adjusted his glasses and smiled smugly.   


“Feel free to leave at any time. There are many competent pilots out there, I’m sure we can find a replacement.”   


Lyle laughed.  


“But then you and Pink hair would have no Neil lookalike to remind you of how _amazing_ bro was. By the way, good old Neil was banging Tieria here on a regular basis. Just thought I’d let you know.”   


Feldt paled considerably and Regene shook his head inwardly. It boggled his mind why they would make this so easy for Lyle but unfortunately the ‘Neil effect’ as Regene termed it affected one’s ability to properly reason. After all none of this could at all be news to the girl- minus the incest bit, that was, and Regene did not exactly see why that would be all that shocking- so there no reason why she should be just standing there trembling. Not for the first time Regene thanked Veda that he was not human. Then again- and his eyes trailed to Tieria again who seemed to be contemplating whether shooting Lyle might be a good idea, spaceship or not- Innovator qualities did not exclude extreme denseness.   


“Leave Feldt out of this.”   


Regene wondered if Tieria was at all aware that he was speaking as if she was not even present. Probably not.   


“Hey, she’s part of the Church like you are. Do you guys have a shrine or anything? Want me to pose for a statue? Make that a naked statue, then you can have holy orgies or whatever you do. Leave sexy Purple hair to me.”   


Tieria was about to usher Feldt away when she suddenly seemed to snap out of her shocked immobility and out of nowhere she bridged the distance between them and slapped Lyle across the face. Hard enough to leave a red palm shaped mark.  


Tieria was greatly disappointed, he wished he had been the one to take such a wonderful initiative and for a few seconds he forgot all about a clause in Celestial Being’s rules of conduct that condemned conflict between operatives.   


Apparently, this was as far as Feldt’s courage went and she rapidly fled the scene.

 

“Wow, bitch slap! That hurt.”   


Lyle’s smile was unshaken.   


“You are indeed a bastard.”  


And with this Tieria followed Feldt, most likely in an attempt to comfort her- which, as far as Regene knew, would only result in some very uncomfortable awkwardness on both parts.   
  
_Other_  


Regene watched them disappear without moving. Let them discuss whatever Neil-related issues they had to discuss. Perhaps that would help Tieria get it out of his system even if Regene felt that this was a forlorn hope. Still, some progress had been made.   


“There goes Purple Hair One. Oh well, Tieria’s no fun anyway. I’d rather have you any day of the week. Now about that dress…”  


“You’re something of a coward, I think.”   


Lyle crossed his arms and gave Regene a sleazy smile. Very typically human.   


“Oh? And why’s that?”   


“It’s too easy to pick on Tieria and the pink haired girl. In fact, it’s like stealing candy from babies.”   


Lyle chuckled.   


“Heh, yeah. Why do you stick by Tieria, by the way? You don’t need fake miss Prissy there. Is it the twin thing?”   


Regene smiled and twirled a finger on purple curls.  


“Who knows.”  


“Sneaky Purple Hair. Whoever made your guys got it right with you, Tieria’s just a freak accident. I could fall for you, you know.”   


Regene took note of every single word. Lyle seemed to at least have some idea of what they were which was something worth pondering. It was rather ironic that Tieria was likely to agree with agree with Lyle on this subject.   


“I advise you not to.”   


Lyle chuckled again and waved dismissively.   


“Like I said, drop by my room later. I’ve got plenty of information to share…bring the sexy dress and I’ll tell you all about it.”  


Regene wondered if Lyle was indeed willing to disclose anything. He found it highly unlikely. There were wiles to this human.   


“And like I said I decline the offer.”  


And with this Regene floated away, Lyle’s eyes following him all the way.   
It was time to pay Veda a visit.   


_I_  


As soon as Tieria reached Feldt he realized that he had no idea of what to tell her. He was at a loss and regretted having followed her in the first place. Tieria was painfully aware not only of his inability to interact with humans but with Feldt in particular.   


“Don’t let Lyle get to you- I’ll submit a report on his illicit conduct.”  


To Tieria’s credit he realized that quoting Celestial Being’s code would not at all improve matters and so he remained silent on the subject. Unfortunately, this awkward silence was all he had to offer in lieu of comforting. He never could find anything to talk to Feldt and if he tried his best to be nice to her it was more because he thought that Neil would have appreciated it than anything else. At the back of his mind he could hear Regene laughing at his foolishness.   


Feldt gave him a curious, long stare that was very unexpected in such a shy character. She seemed to have reached a resolution as she said,  


“I know about you and Neil.”  


Tieria started. He suddenly realized that this was a conversation that was four years overdue.  


“How do you know?”  


Tieria expected that Regene had told her. Few things would surprise him about Regene and he knew full well that he had no qualms when it came to causing mischief. In fact Tieria suspected that Regene greatly enjoyed it. There were times when Tieria believed that it could even be Regene’s true calling in life and his real motivation- after all it was near impossible to figure him out. Regene was something of a sect of one as far as Tieria could tell.   


“Neil told me…that you were his boyfriend.”  


Tieria found himself smiling. How very typical of Neil, even the vaguely juvenile choice of wording reminded Tieria of him. It was enough to override a sense of shock.   


“Yes.”  


It was yet another lame statement, far too flat and dry not to mention synthetic to express anything relevant. Tieria wanted to ask about particulars and to reclaim a bit of the past that was so precious to him so that he could recreate the event and add it to a database of memory in which Neil lived. But before he could articulate any of this Feldt cut him off.   


“Are you going to leave with Regene?”  


Tieria blinked. He saw no reason for this sudden change of topic.

 

 “I’m not going anywhere. Why do you ask?”  


He was getting worried now. If this meant that his loyalty to Celestial Being was being questioned, even at the grass root levels of the organization, then it was possible that Regene was perceived as a threat. Tieria was surprised at his reaction to such a possibility as it bothered him deeply in more ways than one. And it was something he had never even considered, so much so that he was genuinely shocked.   


“You two come from the same place. Don’t you have things that you want to figure out…about yourself?”  


Tieria looked around, unsure of what to say. It seemed obvious that Feldt knew more than she was telling and Tieria could only guess just what Regene had told her.   


“More important than that is the mission, seeing it through.”  


“I’m sure that Neil would understand.”  


“I miss him every single day that goes by.”  


Tieria started at himself. He had not at all planned to ever say such a thing to Feldt and it caused him to squirm inwardly.   


“It’s not just you.”   


He had never paid too much attention to this girl. Tieria wondered if that had been a mistake on his part. At any rate he wanted to steer this conversation back into a safe area.   


“If Regene bothers you again or tries to borrow your clothes let me know.”  


Feldt smiled shyly.  


“It’s been such a long time since we’ve had new people aboard. I’m fine sharing clothes with Regene.”  


Tieria was very aware that Feldt was deliberately ignoring Lyle who was a new member of the crew. All things considered it was probably for the best.


	7. Chapter 7

_Other_

Regene stepped into Veda’s vault. He had not bothered to change so that the low gravity sent the skirts afloat in a liquid rush of crimson fabric now set alive by the glittery flow of golden light that was all around. Regene was sure that Tieria would never commune with Veda or even approach it in a dress but such details did not enter his calculations.

Regene ran through the most recent updates rapidly checking them. Veda responded by humming and decoding information straight into his synaptic receptor centers.  
On the other side of a highly complicated network along which information flowed freely he could feel echoes of Ribbons’ annoyance. Regene smiled faintly. Let Ribbons foam at the mouth, Regene had too much invested in this ship where Tieria had seen fit to seclude himself to be concerned with that. He now sifted through the multilayered stages through which Schenberg’s plan operated but discarded it as well. Regene was not one to be subservient to any plans that were not of his own doing.

Instead he turned to the historical of this particular node. As Regene suspected this was the same branch of Veda’s mainframe as the one in the original Ptolomeios, probably copied unto this new one, and as he expected it still contained all of the files accessed by Tieria in its historical. Regene browsed it. There was a wealth of information on several kinds of issues, from military formations and ammunition to minutiae on chemical compounds. Regene had no doubt that Tieria had assimilated all of this and that he was able of employing it in all sorts of contexts in a millisecond if needed.

It never failed to depress Regene how Tieria, a highly intelligent individual whose Innovator skills were sharpened so as to handle data with absolute precision and who exceeded the scope of human intellect could still insist on such a childish imbecility and cling to a silly notion that regression was a desirable outcome.

Surely Tieria himself was aware of this schism. Perhaps more than anything else this was the true reason why he was so entangled in emotional contradictions. Regene followed the trail of Tieria’s Veda history and spotted a pattern rather easily. Over the years the hard science and strategic files were complimented by works on human biology, human psychology, human philosophy, human history, human behavior. Tieria might as well label all these ‘The Neil Dylandy codename Lockon Stratos files.’

Regene dug beneath this very noticeable stream that traced represented much of Tieria’s intellectual life.

Apart from all this, the nuggets of information that Tieria had consciously selected, there was a more subterranean vein with all sorts of data that was accessed almost consciously. A deep Veda connection entailed that half formed thoughts were identified as commands and processed as such. When this happened a wide array of unforeseen information was presented before the Innovator. It was more difficult to follow and Regene had to focus to find it under all the layers.

By degrees this secret history began to show as electrical signs and Regene followed it. Many volumes on sexuality and how it relates to emotional reactions. That was to be expected, Tieria would easily assimilate the biochemistry involved in the act of sex but the import it had on feelings was bound to confuse him. Regene carried on his search and came across a collection of articles and literature on artificial humans- their conception, purpose, possible evolution.

Now this was considerably more interesting as far as Regene was concerned. It showed that Tieria had sought to learn more about himself, not to maximize his resourcefulness for the mission, but at a most basic and elemental level. The criteria for the integration of this information in Tieria’s databank had been both emotional and rational and perhaps more importantly it had been accessed outside of the standard Innovator/Veda interaction.

Regene had to make an effort to trace Tieira’s emotional state upon processing this information. Linking up to Veda created a kind of functional apathy that allowed for the Innovator to become something of a branching _tabula rasa_ that filtered the flow of data from a position neutrality. It allowed for logical shortcuts but did not of course nullify the Innovator’s emotional specter, instead it simply became mostly latent. Veda recorded all this but it was fugitive and difficult to discern. Regene approached these ghosts of emotions cautiously. Never once in this process of gauging Tieria’s knowledge had it crossed Regene’s mind that he was trespassing in any way but he was aware that overstepping into emotions themselves was not so much a violation as dangerous.

Yet Regene had never been a coward. He took a deep breath and got ready to seek more understanding on this other half that was so much like him and at the same time a polar opposite.  
  
_Other/I_

First there had been a premonition of curiosity as to what he was. Regene identified it as a pre-Lockon feeling. A kind of restlessness. Tieria’s thoughts in their most simplified coding mingled with Regene’s across electrical impulses and the distance of time. Being apart from all those who surrounded him in a contained environment, a single non-human thrown into a sample of humanity.

_What am I?_

Regene let the connection fill him so that he could feel the cold emptiness of absolute loneliness. A sense of superiority was mingled with it but in the background this feeling of being cast off from any real empathy remained.

_Are there others such as me?_

Regene’s interest was redoubled by this. So Tieria had wondered about the question even if only in abstract. Here was another experience that was radically different from Regene’s. He had always been among the Innovators and so there had never been any reason to question his nature. Regene wondered if this need in Tieria to find out whether they were other artificially conceived sentient creatures was a subconscious way of reaching out for that which would add a proper meaning to his existence.

Either way, this revealed to Regene that Tieria from the very start had felt that there shortcomings in the role he had to play in the plan and that there was more to life than it. Regene suspected that since these were snippets from Tieria’s unconscious mind Tieria himself was unaware of this and would vow that he had no will prior to the amazing Neil Dylandy unfolding universal truths.

_What should I do about them if they do exist?_

On this matter there was data unknown. Tieria was apprehensive about it, though. Regene wished that he could have spoken to Tieria when all this was going on so that he could have told him that which was now so difficult to convey through so much distortion.

 

_I_

The hatch swung open suddenly. Tieria peered into the glittery rush of golden sprinkled red light and for a while could only stare with something like fascination- for a split second Regene reminded him so much of his own self and the hum of Veda beckoned him- Tieria shook his head forcibly.

“What are you doing here?! You have no authorization to tamper with this node.”

Even to Tieria his own words sounded dreamy and not as imperative as he intended. Veda’s spell was upon him, making his ears ring slightly and yet lulling him reassuringly. Regene floated up to him and reached for him, pulling him into the low gravity and shifting ciphers that riddled information all around. Tieria gasped despite himself and was unresisting, even as Regene closed the hatch behind them.

“ _Welcome back, Tieria"_

Telepathy felt very normal in this environment. Tieria accepted it as he floated within Veda without connecting with it yet mesmerized by the threads of dazzling light that flashed in a harmony of balance .Regene smiled warmly and Tieria did not know what to make of it.

“ _What do you mean? I’m not back to anything…”_

Regene brushed fingers through Tieria’s floating hair and he found that he could not look away from the dynamically lit irises. The mirror effect he so often experienced with Regene was not disorientating for once but it gave him a feeling of companionship that was very real and unexpected.

“ _Back to Veda.”_

Tieria opened his mouth to protest even though it was utterly unnecessary when words ran through his mind unbidden to any audio counterpart and Regene took the opportunity to kiss him. It did not exactly surprise Tieria but he still flinched slightly before responding to it. Regene’s smile grew whimsical as he slowly began to undress him.

“ _What are you doing?”_

Tieria had the impression that he was in a dream of sorts but everything was exceedingly vivid with that kind of clarity that only Veda could confer. A phantom stirring of something deeply embedded within him- he gasped again.

“ _I’m helping you connect again and discarding the intrusive medium of clothes.”_

Tieria could feel his latent link slowly winding up into activity and panic shot through him.

“ _I don’t want this…”_

He did not know when or how Regene had abandoned the cumbersome dress but there he was, naked body bathed by flashes of crimson and yellow light. Tieria’s own clothes were gone by now and the warmth of this so artificial illumination that was native to their heart in a way he could not explain washed over him in warm waves, mingling with Regene’s touch.

“ _Trust me, Tieria.”_

Regene cupped his cheek and embraced him tenderly. Emotions were transmitted directly into him, whether by the contact of skin upon skin or as a result of telepathy he did not know. Something that he associated as love- as murky a concept as this was- followed by a profound longing. It occurred to Tieria that there were two of them because otherwise they would forever be incomplete.

“ _Alright"_

Tieria was not sure this was the right decision, not until Regene kissed him again, tilting him into a spiral that was made of intelligent light that mingled with their flesh. All of Tieria’s long pent up resistance mechanisms on which he had relied for such a long time dissolved in the this rhythmic union that felt predestined. His climax carried its own momentum and bypassed the immediate ecstasy, the process reigniting his link and bringing it into perfect functionality.

Vast amounts of information flowed into him and were easily assimilated. Tieria rested on this steady stream and in Regene’s arms.

“ _Veda’s been updated regularly while you were out. How do you feel?”_

Tieria took a deep of breath of vaguely ozone scented air. He was very aware of his physical self- his body so akin to Regene’s, drops of sweat covering them- and of the mental activity taking place at several planes and levels of awareness.

“ _I feel...happy.”_

Regene smiled happily. He scooped the trail of semen that floated freely in the low gravity and thoughtfully tasted it. Tieria coughed and looked around for his clothes, a fierce blush burning his face. Regene laughed.

“ _Tieria, Tieria. Some things about just never change.”_

 

_Other_

“Miss Sumeragi- are you sure?”

Tieria did not at all seem convinced, Regene could tell as much.

“Absolutely. You need a change of pace anyway…when was the last time you actually took some time off?”

Regene knew that apart from Tieria’s pilgrimages to the human’s grave he did nothing not related to the mission in one or another. Judging by the cloud that flitted across his face Tieria was thinking about such events now.

“But going to Earth with Regene means you’d be one Meister short.”

Allelujah shuffled forward and with a shy smile addressed him:

“Tieria, I’m sure Celestial Being won’t collapse just because you’re taking a holiday-”

“Allelujah Haptism, are you saying that I am unnecessary?”

Tieria’s eyes had narrowed dangerously. Regene struggled not to chuckle as Allelujah flinched and looked around as if silently begging for aid before Tieria’s cold glare.

“What? No, no, no, not at all, I just meant-”

“You ‘just meant’ that my efforts are irrelevant to the proper achievement of goals.”

Genetically engineered soldier or not, Allelujah jumped in something like a panic and flailed considerably before Tieria who, by all accounts, was indeed a very pretty boy- a point that Regene never failed to register.

“I didn’t say that! I didn’t even imply it-”

Tieria adjusted his glasses.

“Just so you know, I still have that metal mask. Shape up or you’ll be back wearing it before you can say ‘I’m sheepish’.”

Regene did laugh now.

“Don’t worry, Tieria is just joking.”

Allelujah offered an even weaker smile and turned from Regene to Tieria as if hoping for a confirmation. Tieria saw fit to put an end to this foolishness by adopting his typical no nonsense attitude.

“Anyway, I cannot just leave on vacation. I am sure that now that my Veda connection is back I should stay here and put it to good use.”

Regene had noticed a clear change in Tieria over his being reconnected. A new kind of energy animated him- Regene could hardly wait to see how that would play in bed-and he was considerably less gloomy about the future. All things considered these were all good signs that he was recovering and as far as Regene could tell breaking off his military routine was an excellent idea. It was even surprising that a mere human could have come up with it.

“Tieria, the Ptolomeios needs to get supplies anyway so you can take a few days off while we’re on the surface. Why don’t you and Regene take the orbital elevator?”

Tieria seemed to be considering this in thoughtful silence. Regene was sure that with some persuasion he could agree to the proposal but if Tieria reached the decision on his own then all the better. Which was why Regene said nothing but let him brood over the issue.

“I suppose it wouldn’t cause any harm. As long as I am to keep fully informed at all times.”

Regene wondered if this reluctance hinged on Veda withdrawal. After such a long dry spell it was not surprising that Tieria should find himself very eager to make up for all the lost time and by doing so he was bound to push himself too hard as ever. Now was an opportunity to remove Tieria from this military environment even if only for a short while. Regene believed that a lack of direct human interference was just what Tieria needed at this point.

“It’s settled, then.”

Tieria nodded and the assembly was dismissed. But not before he retained Allelujah.

“By the way,” Tieria produced the before mentioned mask that to Regene was more of a muzzle than anything else “I do have this and I will have you wear it if you do not comply. Is that understood, Allelujah Haptism?”

This time Allelujah did jump and Regene saw him pale considerably.

“O-okay, Tieria- I’ll work extra hard while you’re away.”

Against all odds Tieria smiled broadly.

“I was just joking.”

Without further ado Tieria walked away. Regene stayed behind, watching Allelujah’s confusion with barely concealed amusement.

“Was he really joking…?”

Regene shrugged.

“Who knows. Tieria is so particular, at times. Let’s just hope that he was.”

Truth be told, Regene was not quite sure. But he did know that he liked the idea of Tieria putting humans in their place. Regene had quite a few ideas to explore this dominating streak. These were going to be some really interesting holidays.

 


	8. Chapter 8

  _I_  


Tieria did not particularly trust civilian transports. For one, they were not as calibrated for efficiency as military vessels were and their lack of ammunition made him considerably nervous. Few things were more daunting than stepping into a fragile looking shuttle that hovered in starry darkness with all the security of a cork set adrift on wide open seas.  


“Come on Tieria, hurry!”  


Regene tugged at his sleeve and basically dragged him along the causeway. Tieria rethought his premises, being one on one with Regene like this was considerably more daunting because he had no idea whatsoever as how to act. Regene was already floating ahead, a trail of a blue skirt drifting on his wake. Tieria was very aware that people were staring at the purple haired twins and it upset him considerably that he should be blushing like this.   


“We’re within schedule. There’s really no need to-”  


“Oh look, candy.”  


Regene stepped off the causeway with dexterous ease and Tieria was dragged along, somehow ending up in a candy store. Artificial gravity kicked in immediately, causing Tieria to totter and nearly fall flat on his face. Regene landed gracefully while a rather worried employer rushed to Tieria’s aid.  


“Miss, are you alright?”   


At this point Tieria had regained his balance but he nearly lost it out of sheer chagrin. He was dressed as a male, from the dark blue shirt to the equally blue pair of pants- Regene wanted them to match- and being mistaken for a girl was not particularly pleasant. Normally Tieria would discard it as utterly spurious but not when Regene was standing by with that borderline wicked smile of his and certainly not when a human civilian was offering him her help- as if he was not Tieria Erde, Gundam Meister, Innovator.   


“-Fine. No need to worry.”   


A purple lollipop dangled in front of Tieria’s eyes and he followed it to find Regene.   


“This is tasty. Want to try?”   


Regene licked it tentatively, the smile only half hidden by the hard candy and Tieria found himself blushing anew. This time intensely. He cursed his mind for making connections it should not at all make and then he cursed Regene for deliberately boycotting his already frayed control in social situations.   


“Erm, no- if you want we can get one…but we should get going.”   


“I thought we were within schedule.”   


Regene proceeded to desultorily lick the lollipop. Tieria adjusted his glasses and prepared to say something that would sound very no nonsense. But before he could get to it the girl interrupted.  


“Oh, you’re twin sisters! Are you going to Earth?”   


Tieria’s eyebrows twitched. He randomly picked some candy and shoved it in a plastic bag. His tactic of engaging in activity to avoid outbursts was greatly frustrated in this civilian environment. Regene added a generous portion of lollipops to the bag.   


“Yes. We’re on a holiday.”  


“Woah, you really look exactly the same! Can your parents tell you apart?”   


Tieria had half a mind to report this girl to her employer, her job was to sell candy- Tieria thrust the bag in her direction so that she would get the point- and not interrogate the costumers. Not to mention that she could not be particularly intelligent not to have noticed the most definitely different haircut, and never had Tieria thought that he would care so much about such an irrelevant detail before meeting Regene- but what could be said for humans that managed to mistake his very gender.   


“At times.”   


“Our elevator is going to leave. How much do we owe you?”   


Tieria firmly believed on staying on a budget, after all that was the reason why he had at all bothered to buy the cardigans in bulk, and buying candy was not at all part of the planned expenditure.   


“Twenty. Say, can I take a picture of you two? Twins are so cool!”  


“Sure.”

 

And with this Regene took his arm and flashed a surprisingly non-snarky smile that had Tieria rolling his eyes. Still, he had to admit that feeling Regene’s light weight on his arm like this and even this careless jollity were enjoyable. It was something that Tieria could get used to, he thought, and maybe find a way of feeling alright about it all. Regene held the bag of sweet stuff to the camera that the girl was now wielding. Before Tieria could object a click announced that the picture was taken and Regene was bouncing to the girl to see it. It was against Celestial Being, this divulging his image but he supposed it was too late to do anything about it. Instead he merely added,  


“By the way, I’m not a girl. If you want to chitchat with your costumers at least get their gender right.”  


Tieria delivered this tirade and paid for the candy that he did not particularly like. Regene copied the photo to a portable device that he had somehow found at the Ptolomeios and stored in a purse that like the dress was borrowed from Miss Sumeragi.   


They left the store, Regene happily waving at the girl as if they were now best friends for life. It was now Tieria that dragged Regene along and took him aside before they reached the barricade of officials that announced the elevator’s entrance.   


“Now look, I know you’re playful and all that but keep in mind we’re both using forged passports. There hasn’t been any problem mingling with civilians so far but Celestial Being’s members are wanted men and even though you’re not part of the organization I doubt that would mean much if you’re found with me. Especially since we’re-”  


_So alike that if I go down so will you_  


Tieria held his breath at this thought that was strangely familiar even though he had never worded it in so many words, not even to himself. He halted unsure of whether Regene had caught this from his mind as only Regene was capable of doing.   


“I know that. But I’ve told you already, haven’t I? We’re together. No matter what.”  


Tieria fumbled for a reply. Regene adjusted his glasses and kissed him lightly on the lips.   


“That’s to make sure you don’t get scared of those ever so unreliable and vulnerable space elevators.”  


Normally Tieria would at least feign anger. Instead he smiled wanly.  


“How is kissing going to help with that?”  


“Oh, I don’t know. I guess that’s just the way it goes.”  


“That is terribly unscientific of you.”  


“What can I say, that’s just the way I am.”   


Speakers announced that the elevator was about to leave and Tieria was grateful for the mood change. Because for a split second, in the sobriety of the moment and without any hormonal or Veda interference, he was aware of what could very well be love.  
  
_Other_

  
“Let’s go to a colony!”  


Regene announced this as soon as the costumes’ formalities were over. There was no point in freaking out Tieria without a purpose and Regene was at his best behavior as his passport was scanned. Not that it could not very amusing in itself.   


“That’s not the plan-”  


“I don’t like the Earth. And neither do you. So why don’t we check out the new colony that was just settled?”  


Regene was more curious about a space colony than anything the blue planet had to offer but what he wanted from this was to get Tieria to make a decision that benefited himself without any Celestial Being related considerations. After all, as grateful to the female human commander as Regene was for having suggested this journey, fact remained that Tieria had accepted it because it emanated from the chain of command and not because he wanted to.   


“ _We can’t do that. We should be within reach of the Ptolomeios.”_  


Tieria switched to telepathy and Regene approved. Not because he was paranoid about there being some constant surveillance system out to get him but simply because this was something special to the two of them that confirmed them as Innovators, as non-human yet very much worthy of claiming a place in this world.

 

 

 

 “ _Just report it. The technology involved in these new colonies is top notch. I’m sure you could even learn something relevant to employ with Celestial Being.”_  


Regene had not planned to bring the organization into it but he was bent on getting Tieria to agree to this deviation from a plan. Few things sounded better to Regene than going against well-established planning that destroyed all spontaneity.  


“ _I suppose. I’m interested in experiencing the rotating system for myself and to gather data on the oxygen production system.”_  


This information was all stored in Veda’s databank and Tieria could now freely access it. But Regene said nothing about it.  
  
_I_  
As soon as they settled in the shuttle Tieria dutifully strapped on while Regene was glad to float along with the swish of blue skirt.  


“You should put on your seatbelt.”   


Regene shook his head without showing much concern. It was remarkably typical, Tieria thought.  


“Now, now, Tieria. You’re here as a civilian so you have no authority to boss me about.”  


Tieria had the distinct impression that no one could ever do such a thing.   


“That’s not it. You know that these shuttles have a seatbelt policy that is mandatory.”  


At this point the speakers confirmed Tieria’s point by addressing the issue directly and commanding all passengers to buckle up as the shuttle was about to take off. It was not as peremptory a command as Tieria would have liked, as far as he could tell there was no point in adding so many “please”s and it was utterly preposterous to actually thank mindless civilians- not that all non-military personnel was devoid of intellect but it clearly lacked discipline and focus- for simply obeying as they should do for their own sake. But it was better than nothing.   


Regene seemed to be seriously contemplating this obviously rational option. What there was to contemplate Tieria would never understand and he was tempted to inform his twin-like companion about some basic facts of physics that explained exactly what happened to bodies once a sudden impact happens to strike them. Tieria did not say anything, though, partially because it was useless but also because he enjoyed Regene’s thoughtful moments. They were a bridge between them.   


Tieria did not have much time to watch him because Regene saw fit to unbuckle his seatbelt, sit on his lap and refasten in around the two of them. Tieria blinked in surprise.   


“What are you doing?”  


“I’m being very obedient. See? I am following the rules. I do hope you are proud of me now.”  


Tieria sighed silently but smiled.   


“You really are hopeless.”  


Regene replied by nibbling an earlobe and increasing his grip of his legs around Tieria. Because the shuttle was revving up to launch, engine vibrations reached the two of them, and the excitement of being about to be hurtled into space infected the two of them. This particular thrill was not new to Tieria. He experienced it whenever returning to space after some tedious stay down on Earth and it was something he had never been quite ready to admit. Not even to Neil who would surely not understand. It was not precisely sexual but as Regene made sure to grind against him and the speed of motion brought their bodies even closer, a sweep of stars gliding madly along the window, Tieria was forced to rethink this last premise. Which after all was a desirable conduct in the face of unknown data. And there was something quite outside the realm of his experience to feel Regene’s lips working on his, knees firmly planted on the seat, fingers exploring, while they sped into unfathomable distances.   


Here was another facet to their worship of space. Apart from solemn contemplation in fascinated tranquility, it was a secret rush of speed and calculated chaos that meshed naturally- and Tieria hardly understood how that particular term applied to them who were other than human- with the feeling of skin brushing skin and flesh reaching out for flesh.   


“I’m sure there are rules against this kind of behavior in a cabin.”   


Tieria spoke with only mock remonstrance.  


“Maybe. But they didn’t exactly say it and I cannot be expected to guess, now can I?”


	9. Chapter 9

 

 _I/Other_   


The colony was very large, so much so that it was composed of self-dependent areas that included a bustling city, a surrounding agricultural section and an outer ring composed of refineries. As they walked around a hologram filled garden where the prevailing artificial gravity had been deactivated, Tieria had to admit that visiting this place was indeed a good idea. Translucid screen spun slowly and immaterially, casting symbols upon the very green grass and the oddly colored flowers gained an elasticity that allowed them to join the general weightless atmosphere of all things suspended in a fluid floating motion. Through the roof stars gleamed against the silent blackness of space and Tieria and Regene came to a halt and stared in wordless union at this sample of an endless universe.   


“The rotation is hardly perceptible and the oxygen production has a minimal loss rate.”   


Regene rolled his eyes at this piece of unwanted information.  


“You don’t say. How fascinating.”   


As Tieria took mental notes on the engineering and structure of the dome he failed to notice the very obvious sarcasm.  


“You think so too?”  


Regene smiled enigmatically. He often read more into Tieria’s words than Tieria did himself and it was this intuitive kinship of minds to which he tuned that allowed Regene to hold sway over this duplicated version of sorts. The lingering sense of innocence in Tieria was to Regene a strange contradiction, it survived despite the flurry of slaughter that made up so much of the pilot’s life and it stood as a proof of ill adaptation to the world in general. Yet Regene had to admit that it was surprisingly endearing.   


“Of course. I admire science and its wonders as much as you do. How else could it have produced us?”  


Tieria let his eyes wander to hide the instinctive inner cringing at this. It never failed to disturb him when he was reminded of his true nature and his reluctance became visceral when Regene alluded to such a controversy loaded subject. Tieria was made to feel crippled in his innate artificiality and old fears stirred within him. Tieria took some time to word his next question and it was with an effort that he spoke, cautiously enough.   


“You really don’t mind being an Innovator?”  


Regene blinked. The rarity of Tieria employing the taboo word was already surprising but this interrogation, as tentative as it was, was just as much.   


“What’s to mind about it? We are perfectly engineered and can live forever.”   


“Oh I won’t live forever. I’m a Gundam Meister, statistics show that a pilot’s life span is never very long, it is shortened by-”  


“Don’t speak about your death so lightly.”   


It was Tieria’s turn to blink. He could not understand the sudden fury in Regene’s words.   


“It’s a dangerous job, the likelihood of long term survival is minimal.”   


“Is that why you’re still a pilot? Do you keep hoping you’ll die in battle?”   


Tieria considered this. He had never thought about it in so many words but there was some truth to this. Tieria did not want to admit it so he remained silent for a while.   


“In a way…I suppose.”  


That was all he could say to account for this highly irrational expectation, that death was the only way of being reunited with Neil. Regene’s eyes sparkled dangerously as he turned to Tieria.   


“Do you also ‘suppose’ that your death wouldn’t affect others?”   


If there was something that Regene resented more than blind human worship it was this even blinder devaluation of himself into Tieria so often relapsed.  


“Well, I can always be replaced as a Meister-”  


“That’s not what I asked you, Tieria Erde.”   


Tieria had the depressing feeling that he was missing the point completely.   


“I don’t really know what you mean but I’m a soldier and I’m more than ready to die for the plan if need be. I mean, don’t you have something you’d die for?”  


Tieria was very curious about this particular point. Regene only shook his head, sadly enough.  


“Do you honestly still have to ask?”   


Tieria was puzzled.   


“You expect me to know things that you never tell me. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to know all this.”

  
It was with a pang that Regene realized that Tieria’s perplexed frustration was very real. One step forward, a few more backwards. For the first time Regene seriously considered whether Tieria was not beyond his reach. Instead of settling for forlorn despondency Regene decided to be brutally honest.  


“Did you need the human to tell you every single thing or did you get things with him?”   


Tieria winced very slightly.  


“I inferred much from deeds but…it was different.”   


Regene narrowed his eyes coldly.   


“Oh really? What was so different, then?”   


Tieria took some time to study the nearby translucent screen that he did not at all see.   


“I’ve been thinking about it for a while. This- this thing we have between us…is it something we are simply programmed to have?”  


Regene opened his mind to protest and then closed it. Not because he accepted this preposterous idea but because this was an absurdity that had simply never occurred to him. It showed that many of Tieria’s inner reflections and thoughts were utterly unknown and that his put a wedge between the two that was painful to Regene.  


“What made you think such a thing?”   


Reluctantly enough Tieria came to face Regene.   


“You told me that you were drawn to me even before meeting me and I admit that I’m drawn to you in a way I really can’t explain. So I wonder, the other Innovators, do they also have twin-like mates?”   


Regene had expected Tieria to eventually ask about the others but not in this odd context.  


“Yes, we all have an identical pair, for lack of a better word. What does that have to do with anything?”   


Tieria grew thoughtful now. Approaching the subject abstractedly as something that did not concern him directly.   


“Do they have the same kind relationship we do?”   


Regene adjusted his glasses in an echo of Tieria’s trademark gesture. He too was trying to keep his cool.  


“I really can’t say. What does it matter?”   


“If all twins are attracted to each other and feel an emotional attachment then it could be the result of a command that they are programmed to act upon. Perhaps it fulfills some Innovator function.”  


Regene had heard too much of this.   


“We are not automatons.”   


Tieria nodded in peaceful acquisition and this lack of any passion infuriated Regene almost as much as the theory itself.  


“I know. But we are not human.”   


It was with some difficult to Regene steadied himself to reply and he did so with a question.

An important and long postponed question.   


“Do you love me, Tieria?”   


Tieria literally jumped as if stung. Suddenly he felt very much affected by the contents of this conversation and realized there was a lot at stake. It made him exceedingly nervous and his shuffling for an answer caused him to stutter.   


“When you ask that- all of a sudden, I mean- it’s not as if-”  


“It’s a simple ‘yes’ or 'no’ question. Either you do or you don’t. You should be able to at least figure _that_ out.”   


The censure was plain and even Tieria understood it. He felt horribly inept.   


“I guess so, in a way- I am very fond of you.”   


Regene chuckled bitterly. Gathering momentum from justified anger.  


“You ‘guess so’? That’s all you’ve got to say?”  


Tieria wished ardently for a sudden conflict to break down on Earth so that he would be recalled to pilot Seravee, it was considerably less taxing a task than standing here and facing Regene.   


“I _do_ like you- a lot, that is.”   


Regene crossed his arms.   


“You ‘like me’. A lot, even! Now isn’t that amazing.”   


Tieria was aware that he deserved Regene’s reproach and he tried to make amends.   


“You’re very important to me.”   


Regene reached the conclusion that only Tieria could be this dense. Or perhaps it was more than natural cluelessness. It was with something like a masochistic impulse that Regene proceeded.  


“Did you love the human?”

 

Regene was all too aware that phrasing it in the past was a mere convention. A memory occurred to Tieria, the first time he had woken up next to Neil, the sweet reassurance of the sniper’s sleeping body next to his, a pleasing kind laziness that filled the early morning, soft sunlight beginning to spread over an awakening day. Tieria reminded shivering despite its not being cold and how Neil had reeled him back to bed, then the slow love making that had followed, still unknown but already addicting. All this conjured in a split second.  


“Yes.”   


It was not a surprise but Regene was still hurt. Tieria scrambled to make amends yet again.  


“But that doesn’t mean I like you any less, it’s just that-”  


“It’s just that you like Neil Dylandy better.”   


Tieria flinched. He avoided eye contact.   


“You don’t have to put it like that.”  


“It’s the truth, isn’t it?”  


Tieria looked around, very uncomfortably. He did not want to admit it but he had no heart to deny it either so he shuffled awkwardly in a limbo of intentions. The beeping transmission that came through at this precise moment had a miraculous quality as far as Tieria could tell and he hurried to turn on to the portable screen. Allelujah smiled sheepishly on the other side.   


“Hi, Tieria. Sorry to disturb you in your holidays, Miss Sumeragi asked me to see how you guys were doing.”   


“Everything’s fine.”  


_Why do I keep lying like this_  


“Oh. Okay. Sorry to bother you, have fun.”   


Tieria looked up from the now black screen, rehearsing in his mind what to say, but Regene was nowhere to be found.   
  
_Other_  


As soon as Tieria accepted the transmission with rushed relief that was all too visible, Regene knew that this was a conversation leading nowhere. And so he turned on his heels and walked away rapidly. He wished he had never breached this ever so touchy subject but tip toeing and avoiding important matters was never his style. That was Tieria’s approach that apparently trusted time and silence to simply make things go away. This terrible feeling of talking to a wall was simply frustrating and irrational- not that Tieria was able to see it that way.

 

Somehow Tieria was bent on a suicidal long term mission for the sake of a dead human who was not even particularly impressive. Regene had done his research and found nothing eventful in Neil Dylandy’s career. Apart from an extraordinary aim the human was simply average on all accounts.   


And to assume that this relationship for which Regene had sacrificed so much was a mere function was beyond insulting. Regene was aware that Tieria had no idea that it was so, it was simply his way of reasoning and reaching a conclusion with which he was comfortable. It was beyond ironic that Tieria only displayed any interest for the other Innovators in this idiotic affair.   


Regene left the park and walked the streets aimlessly. He could not care less for how the other twins interacted. All he knew was that this uphill battle was getting exceedingly tiring and hardly rewarding. ‘Very fond’ was in fact beyond insulting. Tieria’s politeness and niceness were yet a proof of his emotional stupidity.   


It was not simply that Tieria was caught in some silly illusion about human males that somehow could not ever be reproached, Regene could now plainly see that the lack of future projects on Tieria’s part was a consequence of his fully expecting not to have a future. Of course Regene knew all about statistical data on the life expectancy of a pilot, that only made it doubly upsetting that Tieria could be so nonchalant about it.  


Regene entertained the hope that perhaps his being with him would change Tieria’s perception and activate (in such moments of distress he fell back into technical terms as his thoughts spun in upheaval) his often extreme altruism. Apparently that was not so.   


Regene wished, from the bottom of his heart, that the Ptolomeios and its entire crew would be wiped out in Tieria’s absence. That made him smile faintly as he strolled down a random street. A bitter consolation was better than none.

  
_I_  


Tieria stood blinking for a few seconds. There was no point in going after Regene, he decided, not when he could say nothing to make things better. For a while he simply remained on the now empty spot. The colony was indeed very large and alone like this Tieria suddenly felt small before the vastness of life that surrounded him. He wondered if Regene had ever felt like this, so irrelevant in a grand scheme that was also a relief because it gave him a sense of purpose. Tieria realized that Regene had never known such a feeling, Regene was free and not intimidated.   


In his Gundam Tieria was able to forget about how small he was. The mighty robot multiplied the scope of his powers to act and gave him a sense of being much more than just Tieria Erde. Now that he thought about it, his connection to Veda supplied the same comfort as did that knowledge that Neil loved him. All these forms of emotional co-dependence had an original source in his lack of belief in himself as an individual.   


He headed for the refinery district.   


_Just what am I supposed to do, Neil?_  


This habit of talking to the dead was utterly fruitless but it helped Tieria think through matters that he would rather not contemplate otherwise. He did not trust his feelings toward Regene. Sex and telepathy entailed a sense of intimate closeness that was all encompassing but their perfection made Tieria wonder about their separate nature. There was often a sense of fatalism in this, an alluring trap of destiny that he could not refuse. With the two of them there was this connection of identity that was akin to a merging that nullified the many differences that set them apart. Tieria was afraid of embracing this and unsure whether it qualified as ‘love’.   


Tieria watched machines process mineral veins and let his memory wander. Neil telling him that he loved for the very first time, the confusion that followed as he tried to grasp the implications of this so alien concept.  


_In the end I thought about Veda and took it from there._   


It had been difficult, very difficult, and Tieria could find no direct correlation between his feelings for Neil and those for Regene. He knew that there was no inbuilt function that made him rely on Neil so completely but he suspected the agency of such a system regarding Regene. When he considered the Innovators in themselves the suspicion became more pressing.   


Tieria could locate Regene’s general whereabouts within the colony via a kind of latent telepathy but he refrained from doing so. The prospect of living forever was absolutely terrifying. Truth be told, now that Tieria calmly observed caterpillars carrying big junks of crystallized metal across an eroded plain, he had not considered what to do once/if the plan of bringing about world peace was made a reality. Partially because he was too lucid when it came to outer realities to believe it very feasible but partially because the point had become moot the moment Neil died.   


Tieria existed to fulfill the plan, any further considerations were spurious and his demise was to be expected. A more chilling possibility occurred to him. Without a secure bond with a human, one that was reciprocal, there was no place for him a war free world. Peace made the unit that was Tieria Erde essential obsolete. The other members of Celestial Being had something to return to or something new to create on Earth but Tieria had no home outside of his cockpit.   


Piloting had become more important than Tieria had ever expected that it would. His cognitive skills made him considerably more useful as a data assessor on military affairs and Tieria knew that Regene was right in that he could have handled Sumeragi’s job much better than she did. But piloting was now a way of keeping Neil’s memory alive as it was a way of indirectly seeking death so that he would not end up absolutely alone.   


_My being and remaining a Meister was not the best way of furthering the plan despite what I’ve said about it in the past. Personal reasons made me pilot even if it was not my first choice._  


Tieria reached this conclusion and had the clear impression that Regene had been telling him as much in his own ways.


	10. Chapter 10

_I/Other_  


Tieria opened the hatch and climbed up a metal ladder that led to the outside of the colony. This was an un-domed area that was simply an expanse of dull gray panels surrounded by the endless silence of space. Normally this was an area that was off limits and it had taken some tampering with the mainframe to deactivate the locks. Tieria stepped onto the flimsy looking platform without as much as a flightsuit or a helmet on. Somehow it seemed important that he did this without the symbols of his role as a Meister and accepted the communion with the deep vastness to which he belonged.   


He knew that he would find Regene here. Tieria spotted him sitting at the very edge as if to be as close to space as possible. Or as far away from the world of humans, Tieria thought, and effortlessly glided his way toward Regene. He sat next to him and for a while none of them said a thing. Regene kept staring at rows of stars liberally sprinkled in the dark. At length Tieria spoke.   


“I do not know much about what we are, about Innovators that is. I was afraid of looking into it but I think that now I should know whatever there is to know.”  


Regene remembered Tieria’s Veda historical and the conflicted anxiety that run just beneath the flow of data. Still he did not look away from the horizon-less infinity. Regene had come here to gain some distance from emotional issues, trying to get a new perspective on matters as they stood. Tieria now carried on.   


“You’re right in saying that I should accept myself and for that I need to find out just what I am. I want to find out how we Innovators function in psychological terms…so that I may be sure that this is real.”  


Regene slowly looked away from space and set his red eyes on Tieria. There was something hopeful in seeing him without the isolating flightsuit and helmet. Regene could tell that this was undoubtedly difficult for Tieria and while it did not solve everything- “very fond” remained a pathetic proof of cowardice- it was a step in the right direction. Perhaps for the first time Tieria aligned himself with his species without any overt depreciation. Regene brought to mind Tieria’s tentative search for information again, how it meandered and rebounded from dead ends. It was true that to Tieria ‘Innovators’ remained a mysterious abstraction that corresponded to a very real menace. Part of that was Tieria’s own fault, as far as Regene could see, but there was also a justifiable fear.  


“If you really want, I can take you to Veda’s main node. You’ll find all you need about us there.”   


Tieria was greatly surprised.  


“I never found any information on Innovators in the databank.”   


“That’s because it’s only available at the mainframe itself.”

 

A transmission signal beeped. Tieria glanced at the blinking light and rejected the call. Regene arched an eyebrow, he was sure that Tieria would never ignore a direct call from Celestial Being.  


“Aren’t you going to take that?”  


“I’m busy now. It wasn’t an emergency and this is too important for me to interrupt.”  


Regene was slightly impressed.   


“Oh? Acting on your personal interests? Isn’t that very off character?”  


Tieria smiled weakly at the sarcasm.   


“I’m trying, Regene.”   


“If you want to go to the node I’ll take you there.”  


Tieria had thought it over and reached a decision. At length he picked up the communication device and spoke into it briefly.  


“Feltd? I want to use the pending off duty time. For personal matters. It’s over six months? I probably won’t need them all but I can’t tell for sure. Don’t contact me unless it’s an emergency. My whereabouts? I’m sorry but that is personal as well. Roger on that. No, don’t put Mileina on. Tell her I’ll bring her a present…a doll or something. Right. Signing out.”   


It was only now that Regene was beginning to realize that Tieria was indeed serious about this. And because it was so Regene saw fit to lighten up the mood.   


“That young bride of yours really is obsessed with her ‘Erde-san’.”  


Tieria sighed.  


“It’s really silly. Feldt says hi, by the way.”   


Regene got up and offered him his hand.   


“Let’s get going, then.”  


Tieria took it. This project of a journey was plagued with questions and imponderable variables. But this need to know more superseded such matters. As for Regene he suspected that more than any grand revelation about the Innovators what was really important was this quasi leap of faith on Tieria’s part.  
  
_Other/I_  


Regene opened the large vault and cast a glance at Tieria. Before them the immensity of Veda’s true presence blinked in near silence, light zigzagging dizzily but not at all randomly. There was a clear and definite albeit endlessly complex pattern to the flow of information along channels that were only revealed to them: Innovators that had ascended this position of new rulers of a new world. Tieria stood in awe, his hair framing his delicately lit face with swaying purple lines. Regene was sure that Tieria would never see it in such a way but seeing him now take advantage of the low gravity to swirl upwards he had an inkling into possibilities.   


Tieria accessed the data pertaining to who and what they were with dutiful concentration and discipline. Regene stood on a background, deliberately so. Tieria needed to reach his conclusions on his own and take these steps that Regene felt to be final in the solitude of decision.   


Tieria sifted through all the biological details, all the technological descriptions of how he, as an Innovator, functioned and operated. And then he reached that which truly mattered: documents about their individuality and its unity within the whole. Tieria learned that every single one of them was endowed with human abilities to feel and human potential of becoming unique. It was only at this point as he assimilated all this that Tieria Erde realized that he knew all this already.   


Slowly, he turned to Regene who was curiously watching him.  


“There’s some other place that I need to go to. Will you join me, Regene?”   


“Alright.”  


There was no hesitation. Tieria allowed himself to smile.

_I/Other_   


Perhaps fate was not just a human invention after all, Tieria thought, as he walked to the grave site where he had spent some of the bitterest hours of his often wrecked life. But today signified no one’s death but Neil’s birthday. Early spring decked the green in a light sheen. Tieria placed a bouquet of brightly white roses on the three graves and was surprised at already finding them arranged in flowers. Regene, who standing a few steps behind took a glance around the area, spotted a plume of cigarette smoke drifting from the cover of a tree.

He smiled. So that explained it. A strange way of spending one’s birthday but it was not Regene’s place to inquire into it, instead he simply waved placidly at the Dylandy sibling that invisible or not was bound to see it.   


Tieria noticed none of this. He could not explain why the roses need be white but somehow they signified peace above all things and that was had ultimately driven Neil to live. Even if it had cost him his life in the end. And peace was what Tieria now sought here.   


Regene did not expect to return to this spot. He watched Tieria crouch by the engraved stone, a casual outfit instead of mourning garb. Jeans and a green t-shirt. Very fitting.  


“Neil, happy birthday. I should have visited you on this day before. I’m sorry I didn’t. I am here to tell you that I’ll have to change the world on my own terms, now. I don’t know exactly how yet. But I have people that will help me along the way. This is what you’d want me to do. I know that now.   


“I would still give my life to bring you back but that will never happen. So I will do the second best thing, I’ll live myself. I’m not a person, I’m an Innovator. What that means is that I have helpful skills that I get to decide how to employ. I am not Veda’s toy or anyone else’s. I am Tieria Erde.”   


Regene was startled despite himself. He realized that this was something that Tieria had to do and something that Regene was called to bear witness to. Tieria lightly touched the cold stone.   


“I will always love you, in one way or another. Always. So this is not goodbye, Neil. I carry you in my memories and that will never change. I am glad that I met you. But I must move on now. I found- no, I was found by someone that will side by me. He doesn’t obey the rules, doesn’t like humans much and is constantly bugging me to do things that I’d normally never do- but I love him, not because I’m programmed to but because I simply do.”   


Regene opened his mouth and closed it again. He could sense that Tieria was not yet quite done.  


“He’s Regene Regetta, my friend and lover. You saved my life and that gives it worth even if nothing else does. One day I’ll see you again, I feel that it will be so. Until then, farewell, Neil.”  


Tieria brought fingertips to his lips and cast a kiss on the stone, tracing the embossed letters. A single tear fell from crimson lips but he held a smile as he got up to face Regene.  


“That’s what I wanted to say.”  


Regene held him in an embrace and quietly sighed. It felt as if he had emerged from the depths of a dark dead abyss, carrying Tieria on his arms and also being carried as well.   


“Where do you want to go now, Tieria?”  


He shrugged in non-committal.  


“I don’t really know.”  


“How about we go shopping and get ourselves some dresses?”  


Regene was already tugging him by the arm and Tieria followed.   


“Do we really have to? Are we playing twin sisters again?”  


Regene nodded enthusiastically and skipped around him. Out of the cemetery gates and into the light that waited for them.   


“Of course! It is fun.”  


“Not for me. I just feel stupid.”   


“That’s fine. Because from now on we can go anywhere we want. Anywhere at all.”  


Tieria smiled faintly. He was not too sure it was so but for he would entertain the idea as one worth striving for. Perhaps that was that mattered.

#### *

Lyle Dylandy watched the two purple haired waif boys- or whatever they were- disappear. He was sure Regene had spotted him but it was Tieria’s words that made him approach his family grave.   


“I’ll be damned, bro.”  


Warm wind gusted and set the flowers in a riot of fresh scents. For a second Lyle had the distinct impression that he heard something- a familiar chuckle- and then it was gone.   


“I’m hearing things now. Take care, Neil. Say hi to Amy and mom and dad for me. I don’t suppose you have some tips on how to get the other purple one to pay me some attention?”   


Lyle walked away with an echo playing in his ears.   


 


End file.
